Dreamer world

2 months on.

2006-06-22T23:18:00.000+08:00

2 months on i have a new blog.

i've met new people.

i've been to germany.

but this has always been the place of my rants. shall always be i think.

she obviously didn't like what she saw, even tho i can tell you i thoroughly enjoyed it. even after that scolding.

i worried about what he would think. not sure if she told on me.

i have a new best friend. everyone say hi to Shelly.

i'm going nuts. i'm not surprised.

someone save me.

please.

yayness!

2006-04-23T03:13:00.000+08:00

okay okay, i didn't watch the match, but STILL.

liverpool never fails to make my day.

and i'm especially happy since Riise scored!!!!

2-1. TAKE THAT CHELSEA, MUAHAHAHAHA.

cup finals, here we come!

bitching time!!!!

2006-04-22T14:00:00.000+08:00

okay...... it's kinda hard to blog at this angle (laptop's at 45 degree angle and i'm lying down. don't ask me how i acheive this. i just do.) but you won't believe how fast i can type, albeit with spelling mistakes.

so.

what's a girl gotta do when she's home alone, trying to stay away from the delicious dark chocolate that is in the fridge while trying to study?

yes, you've got it. bitch about stuff on her blog.

it's not very nice, but it gives her something to do.

people people in the class. why must they get on my nerves? why? why can't things be as pure and simple as they were back in asix?

bimbo, you're a nice girl. be a little less bimbo? and pls stop flirting w G2. it really really is nausea inducing.

bimbo's friend, i've completed the 180 turn on my opinion on you. i'm thankful i did that faster than when i was with X. X ruined my life but made me realised that i had friends who cared. i'm lucky i know that i can't trust you now. at least not when YOU are under X's influence. sorry, i really am, you were a nice girl, but so was X.

JJ. omg la, i can't believe i'm using my idol's name on you. please. if you wanna be bagua, be. don't pretend to be quiet and oh-so-guai. and if you're a busybody, please don't shut people out from your life. it's stupidity. you're stopping people from seeing who you really are, but you want to know all about them. and can you please stop talking so much? especially in the library when i'm reading. and stop being so fucking insecure.. it really gets on my nerves. have some courage pls. PLEASE.

jj's friend. i have no idea if it's your nature or if it's jj's influence. please be secure enough to sit alone at the caf table while me and oli go buy food. what's wrong with sitting alone? strength in numbers? ya, whatever. seriously. and stop jj this jj that me. and stop asking me where jj is. she's your better friend, i won't know. and stop asking me stupid questions like really ar. "my name is hilary" "really ar?" bah.

jamie. i'm totally ignoring you now. i've tried so hard to have a normal conversation with you but you just don't seem to care. fine, whatever. you think you're so popular huh. i loved the look on your face when you realise that pl is also my friend, and that yes, i do know people from your OG. surprise surprise. please get a life, even as i'm trying to get one myself.

jamie's friend and jamie's friend's friend please please please be normal around me. you are nice girls, just bounded but some unwritten rule to be exclusively cliqueish with jamie. be nice, talk. that's all i ask for.

A (a new person got this name). i really really can't stand you. you and your double standards. please. be nice like your friend? stop being such a bimbo.

*Sigh* i really really hate to bitch. maybe michelle is right? going to SA makes me bitchier? i dunno really. but i'm glad that i've found good friends too. =\ =}

parents away, girl will play

2006-04-22T12:35:00.000+08:00

that's if she is not busy trying to study or sleeping away. or blogging for that matter of fact.

i woke up at 10 + this morning, but somehow managed to lai chuang till about 11. went down to buy some food and started reading my mails.

i hate having mails that make me happy and sad.

Ron from houghton asked if i was still going. i felt a bit bad cos i thought my mum replied to his email ONE MONTH AGO telling him i was not going.

now, ONE MONTH LATER, i told him straight, no. and that kinda sucks cos i really wanted to go.

*sigh*

BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT...

ms wade sent an email seperate from the chain of mails that we were sending to each other, and

Hi Hilary!

I just want to let you know that I received your WES evaluation today. After looking through your documents, I am ready to make the official decision.

I will be in touch soon…

OMG OMG OMG.

will i get that scholarship?!!! by the way, my WES evaluation was pretty positive. WES is an organisation that evaluates stuff for companies and schools all around the world without biasness. i got A- GPA, pretty good, considering i had 2 Bs and a C on my O level cert. =
so cool. can't wait can't wait can't wait.

on that note too, ms chia is an ueber nice DP! i thought she was going to grill me about the scholarship yada yada, but turns out she was just wanting to help me with the interview. taught me how to phrase my words carefully, dumped a few questions on me to ensure that i won't fumble on tuesday, and most of all, reminded me about the entire PW fiasco.

wow. super nice!

went to com lab after that to find Rach. talked a little with her and stuff. she's a great listener! i'm very thankful that i still have a friend like her after Jas left. at least she's in close proximity when i need to bitch about bitches in school.

after that went for JJ lin's concert. took him like an hour plus before turning up?!!!! and then he left just as abruptly. sad, really. but his singing is oh-so-heavenly. every bit as brilliant as the cd! should have sat in front though, so i could take better vids with my very lousy phone. but i don't really regret it cos i was with my classmates at that time =)

then took a cab with jiaqi and charmaine to RI to catch the rugby match at RJ. X doesn't really know that i dislike her... =X and X's good friend got on my nerves, more on that later though. was quite upset that SA lost, but am convinced that it's cos people like ashraf and mimi and ryan wasn't playing.

BIAS i know, but still....

rugby's super violent. got really pissed at X and therefore not talk to her when she exclaimed how violent that game was and five minutes later, when I exclaimed it, she said, what that's the way it is!.

fucking hypocrite.

and x's good friend, i'm sorry, i used to like you... but now, no. you love your first three months school? GO BACK. don't be fucking anti-Saint when you're there at the games. go away with X la, bloody bitch. i hate disloyal people who pretend they aren't. but at least i know where your hypocritism comes from.

anyways, met MICH and that brightened up the game a little! was so fun just being crazy with her. though wasn't really happy (more like scared) when she dragged me through enemy territory, aka RJ's side of the gallery. (their gallery is smaller than SA's!!!)

after the entire thing, was going to walk to german, when i realised that I COMPLETELY FORGOT THE TIME AND THEREFORE MISSED LESSONS.

oh shit. and herr S was starting on a new topic too. =\ and so dead.

checked the moelc site, and he had not posted up anything yet. oh dear oh dear. then i realised he called A level german HIGHER GERMAN. how COOL is that?!!!! i'm taking HIGHER german!!!

hehe.

went back home, and since no parents to boss me around promptly fell asleep on the sofa. woke up at 10 +!!!! and proceeded to bathe super quickly and dried my hair as best as possible before zonking out on my bed.

so tired!

specifics

2006-04-20T18:47:00.000+08:00

so i did my PI.

really really upset, cos mr leong says i can't drop that subject even if i get official confirmation. unless i drop out of school.

*is sad*

so stayed up till 1 plus this morning to do it. AND THEN continued to study for econs test, which did not seem to have helped.

i think i've failed my first econs test.

damn. i like the subject!!!!

anyways, meeting with DP tomorrow during econs make up lesson. panicking already. should i tell her that i'm going to the States? and am i really that evil by depriving others of the chance of the scholarship?

*is REALLY REALLY SAD*

my life sucks so far. the only uplifting point is that it seems likely that we're going to germany so that's fine with me =) but the tix and jk's visa.....

*shakes head*

mum's birthday's tml. celebrating tonight cos she's going to china. wth right!!!!

sad. must go bathe and be perfect hostess again...

just wanna cry

2006-04-20T00:18:00.000+08:00

from being overly stressed. only just completed my PI. so tired la.

also because of www.emailsanta.com/read_santa_letters.asp

wow.

i sent in a mail, see if it gets up there.

and yes, i still believe in santa, even though every year, the chances of the tree going up just gets lesser and lesser...

*sigh*

omg what the hell???

2006-04-18T23:00:00.000+08:00

just to overemphasize the fact that the world is weird, idy just im-ed me to tell me she's married (last year in fact) and that she's 8 months pregnant.

and my mum told me that my er sao's in IMH. my cute bubbly er sao.

wtf is wrong with the world?!!!!

weird again

2006-04-18T21:04:00.000+08:00

yes i know i should be offline and doing my work, but a heart to heart talk with ho ho today reminded me just how WEIRD life is.

*sigh*

like how she's one of the best people at house comm nominations, but didn't get thru interview?

sigh

and ticket prices are so fucked up now.

sigh

what's wrong with the world, tell me?!!!!

weird day

2006-04-18T14:49:00.000+08:00

currently in the school library. first time i'm blogging in the school, so it's kinda weird. especially when i use my peripheral vision and see the people on either side of me blogging too.

BWAHAHAHA.

sorry. currently in high spirits cos the noisy group behind me dropped their keyboards and got scolded by the library (aka, have to disband muahahaha). also, just got off the phone and emailed christine about the airtix to germany.

yes, i know i have not got desiree's details, but just couldn't help it!!!

i also am confirmed going to US.

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG.

even if they cancel the germany trip now i don't care! cos i'm too happy!

yes yes, i know that i said i was going a long long long time ago.

but of course it's better to know that i definitely have a space there. =) just smsed mr leong to see if i can not do PI.

bet he'll shake his head and sigh when her reads it! BWAHAHA.

*bubbles with joy*

anyways, i'm actually staying in school to study, hence i can't dally on this blog as i could before. hehe. it's sort of a measure to stop me from overusing the internet.

i bet you think that's weird. me studying, not me using the net.

***********************************************************************************************

anyways. had first morning run this morning (duh, you think afternoon meh?!)

i love kristal already. REALLY REALLY love her. she helped me to run 5 rounds (2 km) nonstop. i usually can do only 3 rounds (1.2km).

anyways, weird thing about that was that i failed my maths on the spot, or general knowledge rather, because i thought that one round was 300m.

yes. blame me for my stupidity, but i kept telling myself after that horrible third round that i had to run "100m more, cos then i'll complete 1 km."

*smashes forehead into wall*

oooooooo the guy next to me (previously was girl but she blogs evidently faster) is playing war bears!!!! michelle = smart = can't finish game. hilary = zhi shang di = can finish. =p

so after the run, i gained 0.1kg worth of muscles. i glared (gently, if that's possible) at mr chay, daring him to say anything about it.

haha. he didn't.

my target weight now is __kg. mr chay made me look for one. *sigh*

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i'm the only one that does econs on the comp i think. everyone else wrote theirs out nicely, drew nice graphs etc, but i Paint-ed the graph and typed the entire essay (quite short, ~ 700 words) out. to top it off, i paperclip-ed it instead of stapling it cos i couldn't find one and was too lazy to borrow one.

ha. that's weird (as compared to others!)

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my seniors in school in general, aka j2s, are weird.

for a lousy percentage (40+%) of distinction getters for PW, they were upset.

that's fine, seeing as people were falsely telling me that it was 41 (!!!!) out of the cohort getting distinctions.

but seeing as the teachers (yes, sa teachers) were marking it, they saw fit to run a petition.

but as mrs lim fairly pointed out, the school was going to do a review anyways.

*sigh*

so now we have bad publicity for the school and overly stressed teachers.

thanks for nothing, weirdos.

(they're weird cos they did all these in our name . YES , in the name of the J1s. ' don't want you guys to suffer like we did. *sigh* we'll write a petition so that you guys won't suffer our fate!'

************************************************************************************************

GP, absolute favourite lesson of mine, was a great laugh again.

i think casey leong is funny accidentally on purpose.

like how he kept mentioning petitions as the solution to everything. (seriously j2s, ni de hao xing wo xin ling le, but you all caused me terrible misery during GP, that's not fair, really. we got a scolding too.)

and how he shouts when we make grammar mistakes.

*sigh*

but he's a brill teacher. have to admit that. taught me more than i can currently learn, but that's fine actually. i just love world news. =p

so while mr leong was being weird accidentally on pupose, aisha, house comm wannabe (romanis peep vote for her!!!) asked if she could draw her campaign on my hand.

o.0

erm. ya, go ahead.

and she wrote :

-pic coming your way soon-

i completely forgot about it until i was asked by total strangers; "who's aisha?"

THANKS A LOT. grr.

************************************************************************************************

there's something weird about A too. yes, i have yet to give A a name. she really is below that level. showed me that today. RRROOOOOOOOOAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRR.

A completely ignored me in front of B (A's friend, who can't be named for fear of the leak of identity of A) and B seemed to feel bad.

i think she's badmouthing me?

and the weird thing was that i've been trying super hard lately to talk to her normally, try to even be friends with her.

like Jolene, she completely evaded me. smile, grunts (fart-like noises, like huh too, acc. to Casey Leong) whatever. they are the same. you don't care me, i don't care you lo. lousy english.

and all the reps in the class. ya la, they're nice, but, it's just weird how A can preach that they are responsible and that i ain't (see former posts) when they don't get notes for my class ontime!

argh.

that really sucks cos i hate having no notes during lectures. i feel so totally lost that it really is damn irritating.

*sigh*

***********************************************************************************************

argh! mr leong just replied saying must wait till the official notice comes! shit. still must do PI. =\

completely weird day =) feeling weird too. now must wait for rain to stop (aka thru studying) before i can go home.

yay for weird days =)

we're going!

2006-04-17T22:19:00.000+08:00

i seriously hope this is the last time i have to post on germany.

until after i come back, that is...

soloman says he can go, so we're going.

i'm calling to enquire about tix tml.

i really really really want to go.

we've even got reichstag tour booked!

*ps my aunt called just an hour or so before to tell me that she has this backpack that she used for her bagpacking days for me! intuition or what?!!!

all in a ball game

2006-04-17T18:58:00.000+08:00

it's weird how a ball game tells so much about a group of people. maybe i'm comparing, i hope i'm not just being biased. but it is important to me that a1 bonds before i leave. it's just not happening, and i think i know why...

let me tell you a story. in first intake, mr chay let asix play a ball game. he called it modified captain's ball, i call it bonded-ness indicator test. you'll see why shortly.

the rules are simple: just follow captain ball's rules, in possession of the ball means you have to be stationary, pass on to others, only that scoring is thru two table legs at either sides of the hall.

so a group has two tables at the extreme two ends at one side of the hall, while the other group at the other end.

at that time, asix was starting to show how bonded it could be. us girls were sticking together more with ourselves than our OGs, and even the guys joined in. we thought this was a normal game, so we just split ourselves up and played.

we started getting rougher and rougher with each other during the game. certain people *coff elsa coff* were easily pissed off at others being rough, but yet was rough ~~her~~themselves. but others: me, jas, eliza, rach!!!, bev, serene, etc etc started enjoying it.

we started enjoying pulling people away from the legs of the tables.

we started enjoying pulling away the tables.

we started enjoying crowding the ball-possessor to get the ball.

and in that process we bonded.

after the game, mr chay told us that we weren't bonded yet. he could tell by the fact that we were still somewhat polite with each other, although decreasingly so. he told us how a j2 class was so bonded that they carried people away from the tables but could not find it in their hearts to hate/get pissed at someone they felt bonded with.

it was hence after, that we (i think) decidedly got bonded.

PE lessons were a joy, mainly cos it gave us more bonding time.

playing against other classes for captain's ball? no problemo.

cos we were bonded, we made kissing noises to get the ball and shouted names of people of the opposite team to distract them. what's in a name? unfamiliarity, i say. we were past that stage; no need for names now, we are asix, we are one.

coming back to today, i was strolling to school and realized that, after a month, aone has not bonded. asix took much lesser time. much much lesser time. what's keeping us apart? i didn't know.

till the PE lesson.

we were playing captain's ball but scoring thru basketball hoops (it was raining) when another class came to share the hall. we then had to run around passing a ball to tap a member of the opposite team to kick them out. trouble was that it was a small area, quite hard to evade people.
i thought we were starting to bond when team 2 (i was in team 1) grabbed cindy's hand and tapped her. i laughed, as did the class, and it was so like with asix. i felt happy, but not for long.

i suggested we do that for the other team too, after all, if we're a class we should be able to more than tolerate grabbing and rough play.

______ said no.

____ also.

_____ did not comment, but her pursed lips said it all.

i was upset, disappointed. we continued to play, a little better, but it just wasn't there. coordination was between certain individuals, not the group.

disappointing.

at least now i know why though. as long as these people continue wanting to have sportsmanship within the class, we'll forever be that, sportsmen wary of the opposite team, just being polite. we'll never reach the stage where it was alright to grab the other person and have fun together.

never.

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have you noticed how easily the eyes communicate thoughts with others?

like how it gravitates naturally to the one with the most authority in the room, just to shy away soon after.

like how when you're exasperated by something, but out of politeness not want to point out, look away, just to find that the person at the other side of the room shares the same sentiments. you smile, so does that person.

like how you can tell fear, happiness, sadness, etc just from a glance.

i dunno, but that's what i notice.

and i especially notice it during GP. is it me? or is the fact that CL brings out the best/worst/terrified in someone?

tonnes of pics. literally.

2006-04-16T14:20:00.000+08:00

no words yet, cos it's not complete. =p

just need to type sth here. i found this in a children's book in the MOELC library. first two pages summore. the question 'was what did you discover?'.

*faints*

survey chanced upon.

2006-04-15T23:05:00.000+08:00

1.Grab the book nearest to you, turn on page 18 and find line 4.
"He seeks out alternative paths, he sharpens his sword, he tries to fill his heart with the necessary determination to face the challenge." - Manual of the Warrior of Light

2.Stretch your left arm out as far as you can.
book, bag full of stuff, sofa, cushion on sofa.

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Pay It Forward

4.Without looking, guess what time it is?
11:08 pm

5. Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?
11.05 pm

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
TV, fan, breeze, an occasional car driving past.

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
just returned home from satay outing with jas, bev, eliza, keynes and mrchan. =)

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
rachel's blog =)

9. What are you wearing?
white shirt, three quarters, bracelet from xmas

10. Did you dream last night?
Yes. But i can't remember anything from it =p

11. When did you last laugh?
a few hours back, during the live band gig on the waterfront

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
clock, paintings, lights, switches, hooks, cables....

13. Seen anything weird lately?
2 girls aka eliza and jas grabbing mrchan's butt. or PE teacher (ho i think?) with quite pretty gf in citylink.

14. What do you think of this quiz?
time-passer =p

15. What is the last film you saw?
i think brokeback mountain? that's if you meant cinema!

16. If you became a multimillionaire overnight, what would you buy?
pay for the anything that can help me to travel the world, learn new languages, A CELLO, and help other people =)

17. Tell me something about you that I dunno.
i am v quiet by nature. and i wish i can find a religion. being in a xtian school just confuses me more...

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
change the way people treat the environment. seriously.

19. Do you like to dance?
yes. but can't do it well. who cares tho? =p

20. George Bush
poor chap.

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
it used to be raye. but i dunno. possibly a finnish name =]

22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
Michael. pronounced german way tho. think it's super cool!

23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
Finland, without a doubt. HAHAHA. no, really. but possibly to US by september, so that counts, no?

24.What do you want GOD to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
"so you've finally ditched the idea that i would be sitting with allah and all the buddhas having tea/coffee/icecream chatting away as buddies in utopia. cool. welcome in."

25. 4 people who must also do this meme in their journal.
HA. whoever reads my blog i guess. jas, xinyi (do you even read it?), michho?, whoever else. =)

06a06 outing.

2006-04-15T23:02:00.000+08:00

and as the title should warn you, only 06 (yes SIX) people turned up.

HAHAHAHA.

happier than i've been for days.

photos should be updated later, when i have the time.

btw, the satay at glutton's bay was DAMN GOOD. but quite ex. 50c per stik for more than 10 sticks ordered.

we ordered 40 =p REAL GLUTTONS!!!! plus stingray (shit shit shit sinned sinned sinned. must repent) and lala (? hate shelled food so i don't care...) and kangkong. all these add up to 10+ dollars (puts out fire in pocket).

*sigh*

so broke now. i need a job!!!!

anyways, there was a live gig on the waterfront outside esplanade. dunno who was singing. but it was not bad. but one of the guitarist was much better in singing than the lead. as in his voice, and control. but overall brilliant.

brill ending to a brill day.

woot!!!!

love a6. really really love 'em.

oooh. my knee.

2006-04-15T00:46:00.000+08:00

ARGH. painful painful painful.

i just finished bathing/checking mail/listening to Horst Wessel for umpteenth time/complaining about my knee.

germany aside now, i want to talk about my incredible day yesterday (and today morning, for that matter of fact)

was with Rach in the SC while waiting for Ragu to buy my oversized shirt. turns out even XL is gone, so i'm stuck with an XXL shirt. cool. now i have a night gown! =) Rach was broody cos she really really wanted to go for the class outing but had drum lessons and culinary club interview. met Keynes and SP on the way, so walked out with them.

KEYNES IS SO CHATTY LA. urgh. kept talking about everything he could while walking out, ESP whatever goals he scored in soccer (says he wants to go to soccer now, he did). he talked so much that WE COMPLETELY LOST IT AND WALKED OUT BY THE KINDERGARTEN WAY.

damn.

so we just walked on and tried to flag a cab so we could go to somerset mrt on time.

STUPIDITY.

as everyone was like 1 hour or so late, xcluding me keynes sp bev mrchan charmaine, i think the taxi fare was completely pointless waste of money. BAH. we went to the control station and waited for the rest. the guys meanwhile were talking about pervertic issues and eliza's boobs. WAHAHAHA.

skipped german (*oops!*) for 06a6 class outing. SO MISS THOSE GUYS LA. hahaha. Jasimah, organiser and most wanted person of the trip WAS NOT THERE. we waited for her till 5.30, but she still did not appear, so by common consensus we went to Galilee for dinner.

we were all being noisy and unappreciative of the staff (haha.) and after eternity we ordered food. i ordered this pasta dish FULL OF MUSHROOMS! so much so that i thought there were too many and started feeding them to serene and bev (serene came straight after soccer with nic). the ruggers arrived as i was ordering food (paid for bev cos she did not have enough money) and expected brought much fun along with them too.

after much eating, camwhoring, eating, drinking, laughing, lame jokes, dirty jokes, lessons on how to treat your body (by mimi) and interesting conversations (mimi and nic: how goes cip mate?/ *smiles*i'm in soccer!/oh. what position do you play?/midleft/we don't call it mid left, we call it left midfielder(or wing or sth liddat, can't rmb)/oh/attack or defence?/huh?i dunno/of course you don't know. it's your coach who tells you!/oh. coach never tell me/.../*laughter all around*) i decided to head home, dump my bags then head straight to east coast.

I DIDN'T KNOW THAT THEY'LL START EATING SO LATE! or else i would just have gotten a drink in Galilee. =\ felt quite lost at first, but the people were all very nice and friendly. =) hung around feeling super full (the food at galilee's not bad, but portion's kinda big! at least for pasta) and just waited for the whole thing to start. wasted so much on cab fare for nuts la. MUST start saving money =( especially since i used alot this week!

baijie started introducing me to some of his friends, but it's just not the same as having friends there *pouts*. but it was fine, since i did know some faces by the end of the trip and i did talk to people.

so. we started from this shop where we rented bikes. it was amusing cos baijie didn't know how to cycle and had to go on the safety vehicle for the entire trip!!! muahahaha. honestly, it's weird to me that anyone can't cycle at this age. mei you tong nian ma?(no childhood!)

so we took bikes, helmets and proceeded back to bbq area. we all went to the toilet/filled up water bottle/bought water usw. and started stretching. and as i'm in an xtian jc, we started praying. the weather became better only after we started the trip.

we cycled from east coast, along lots of pavements. we were headed in the general direction of punggol. during the long ride, i wasn't paying attention to the surrounding. just thought about obs, wingki (who stays in punggol) and such la. saw the bus interchange and thought of the bbq we had. we paused somewhere outside some bus depot, cos the bloody buses couldn't give way to 8 bicycles (compare it with 8 buses!!!). Group 1, the supposed experienced, better group got lost/went the wrong way and they had to be called back by walkie talkie! super amusing.

that was when i realised that one of the teachers had actually been following us on motorbike. 0.o afterwards, when we were nearing punggol jetty, i was trying to look for stars. nearly got knocked down (broke my sis's sandals in the process, must wear shoes in future) because i was going zig zag. LOL, really, cos the place was full of uphills and downhills. after the first uphill (and my near accident) i started paying attention : to the downhill bits.

you can never imagine how fast you can go downhill after changing your gears to the lowest possible. *shh!* i know it's not safe, but at least i could cruise all the way while the others (haha) had to peddle. it's SO FUN. well, at least before mr lim (cher on motorbike) came to 'challenge' me. more like he was showing off. bah!

we rested at the edge of punggol jetty, where people leave for OBS. was thinking about the not so fun but super enriching time i had there. someone offered me a sweet, which i took gladly. i was near nauseum, because i drank too much water in my bid to stay instantly hydrated. hence after dumped my bag with baijie and therefore cut off my major water supply(1.5litre bottle).

going back from the jetty was sucky at first, cos the first uphill was pretty tiring. i didn't even bother cycling, just climb to the top, and WHIZZ down. it was pretty cool, as i cruised ALL THE WAY to the main road. it was so fun seeing others struggle when there was an easier way out!

cycled to serangoon (i think, cos i saw SRJC) and then to some famous nasi lemak place for supper (more like early breakfast to me). note: it may seem easy here, but we started at 10+,11 at night, and we stopped for nasi lemak at 2 am. so the route is MUCH MUCH longer than thinkable. or rather, there were lots of traffic lights.

then, continued on the esplanade. some people stopped along the way (i hate it cos it makes me damn tired and nauseous).

i can't believe how pretty singapore's skyline is at night. really.

even the water looks pretty : read, nice reflection.

we rested there for a long time (esplanade) and cycled back towards mountbatten. i LOVED the road at esplanade. smooth, bumpless, conducive for cruising... *sigh* perfect. from mountbatten, cycled near cchms (the plant shop near 711!), then back through marine parade, near parkway then back to east coast.

*sigh*

super tired, super aching everywhere. especially my bum, cos the bike kept bumping here and there.

fell asleep on the pavement, and since i brought an extra shirt to change in, dared to sleep with my bag as a pillow. baijie was to my left and some of his classmates to my right. i woke up to his snoring (really irritating!!! i won't marry anyone who snores, i think) and i kept poking him to shut him up. he didn't, and i wanted to move to my right a little, until i realise the extra space i seemed to have was because the girls left.

i was sleeping in the midst of guys!

argh!!!!! i quickly jumped up and ran off to find the girls. mei fang and eunice was sleeping on some bench so i just joined in. at about 7, i noticed that some seniors moved the bikes into the shop (opened at ~6.30 so we had to wait). we waited around for debrief, and a prayer to end the session. we were so tired that we were reluctant to stand up and were thus blocking people's way.

walking past a group of yellow-shirted taiji "falungong" people, we went to macs, changed, washed up, yadayada, then headed for the bus stops. i fell asleep instantly after getting on the bus. i woke up occasionally on the way, but all i can remember was that i was very peaceful, just accessed the situation and went back to sleep.

*sigh* how peaceful.

reached home nearly nine. fell asleep almost instantly. slept till 11? then woke up, disturbed by younger sis as usual. i lazed around trying to stay awake. told my mum last minute that i was going for the tempest. all she said was, you very rich hor, now can go here go there

that's it?! first time she accepted me going out without comment. love times like these. feel so grown up now. =) hehe.

went upstairs to change after dinner and promptly................

..............fell asleep on my bed

omg. woke up at like 715? 720? and the play starts at 8! at some weird unheard of place. immediately hailed a cab to bring me there.

the best thing was the driver didn't know how to go there. -.-"' so i spent TEN bucks getting there. was cursing AC all the while, choosing such an unknown location.

until i realised, it was near mhmsultan road, you know like where the pubs are? i saw MoS without a queue, which is funny really (i want to go there btw!!! anyone want to treat me to underage party?!) when finally found the place, i was late! urgh. hate being late.

thank god for 'modern' theatre. AC insists on adding in incomprehensible dance to make it more modern. which i can't tolerate, btw. especially since they used yeoldeenglish to speak.

i thought the play was good (i.e. comprehensible) considering that it was in yeoldeenglish and it was interspersed with weird dances on the small stage. the acting was good, considering that i can barely understand it (note here: good for jc standard) and that i never read the tempest. considering, miranda, mooncalf, wierd guy one, wierd guy two were great. brilliant! but maybe only at school level.

was weird, cos the dances seemed to get more applause than for the acting.

*shrugs*

it's already 12th april at 2208 and i'm still trying to wrap up this post while watching dachangjin and doing my glasgow tutorial!!!

left the place at nearly 12mn, then reached home (duh) later. parents went to sleep on my orders (my parents PANIC worse than i!) and was super tired by the end of the entire thing.

woke up earlier than usual, slacked around, slept a little to catch up with sleep, and slept somemore.

then realised did not do my homework. that sucks, cos i don't want my class to think that i'm being arrogant by not doing my work.

a cure for laziness from anyone? please?

have so much homework, reasonable amount of time, but NEVER the heart to do it. i think it's just psychological? i dunno. i'm starting to get back my insomia too. if only i could remember the exact reason how i lost it.

the insomia, that is.

*sigh*

it's 12.25am 15 april. you can tell how long it's taking me to post. urgh

************************************************************************************
got new specs, seeing as i lost my previous ones. i think i placed it by the car door, and it dropped out when i opened the door and i did not notice. so now my specs would have to stick with me!

************************************************************************************

school sucks, as usual. it's like a normal chinese lesson nowadays.

go in, teacher speaks/teach real fast. bitch about class. teach summore. ignore pleas to go slower. bitch some more. teach. stop teaching for last half hour leaving us with nothing to do and being totally clueless.

urgh.

it IS like that, at least to me. total mistake i made. now the class thinks i'm crazy cos i wanted to take chinese. bah. i liked my first intake teacher, but this one sucks big time. she's lousier than arafatt wong (p6 pri teacher =p).

sigh.

i still love lessons, basically cos i really really love learning. but singapore's not conducive for it at all!

i remember when i went to Deutsche Schule (Singapur), i really loved the learning atmosphere there. the kids were so enthusiastic about learning. teacher asks a question and any one who knows the answer would fight to say it. in singapore schools, teachers have to beg the kids to answer.

try to be enthusiastic, and you're deemed arrogant, know-it-all, teachers' pet usw... why can't we yearn to learn?

sigh.

that's why i can never fall asleep during GP, and i don't understand why people can.

no matter how tired i am, i definitely stay awake, cos whatever casey leong talks about, it's something i don't know, and after finding more about the topic (zB bolivia) it's as though i just matured a little more, understand something a little better, lost a little of my ignorance.

wow.

( if you can't tell that it doesn't apply to chinese sth's wrong with you.)

i absolutely love and look forward to GP, econs and PGeog. really really really. =) so cool la!

hahaha. but i'm just ranting on....

***********************************************************************************

forgot FORGOT forgot to send out the stuff to ms wade in US. ARGH!!!!! how can i !!! what if i miss the deadline?!!!!

but i sent her computer scans which she did print out. and i'm positive that WES has not finished my evaluation and thus i'm pretty safe.

but i wanna know if i'm confirmed going.

i want to get my visa and interview over and done with.

i want to get my air tickets!!!

i want to completely drop out of PW (and hopefully chinese).

which brings me to a pissing point.

girl A (can't think of a nick for her yet, sorry, A, you're not even NEAR where elsa was.)
A was trying to force me to be PW rep, which i completely refused since i wanted to go to US, but not sure if i can yet. so she, having a position already, was listening to ctrep trying to get me to be, and she interrupted LOUDLY saying:

EVERYONE HAS A ROLE TO PLAY ALREADY EXCEPT YOU. JUST DO IT LA. WE MUST SHARE THE CLASS' RESPONSIBILITY.

'erm, i can't. really. ask mr leong lo, he won't let me. i have my ku zong. you'll understand in due time.'

HUH. JUST DO IT LA. PW VERY EASY ONE WHAT. JUST DO LA, NOT LIKE WILL KILL YOU RIGHT?

see, i'm fine with that, seeing that i'm just as responsible cos i did not tell them bout US. but, then again, she was the one who called _____________ tammy nyp look alike. and ________________ was my classmate of 2 years.

thanks, but no thanks. no good xtian would say that of others.

biatch

************************************************************************************

i think it would be so cool to be a gnostic.

i think if i were to be xtian i'll be a gnostic.

that's because i can't understand why we shouldn't worship jesus, but his dad instead.

so confused.

OKIE, NO MORE TALK ON RELIGION.

sa's too xtian for me

hate easter week, not only no bunnies and eggs, more stories of cruxifiction.... *sigh*

************************************************************************************

it is 0045 hours 15 april. i started at 1548 hours 8 april. i've come a long way since.

note the pattern?

2006-04-14T23:29:00.000+08:00

while having my delicious (but hot) afternoon nap today, ek called to tell me that she can't go.

jad·ed adj.

1. Worn out; wearied: “My father's words had left me jaded and depressed” (William Styron).
2. Dulled by surfeit; sated: “the sickeningly sweet life of the amoral, jaded, bored upper classes” (John Simon).
3. Cynically or pretentiously callous.

that's what i'm feeling.

fuck fuck fuckity fuck.

and ek, i really don't need excuses or explainations. (see above)

i just WANT TO GO DAMNIT.

and i just can't be angry with you. =\

why?!!!!

2006-04-13T23:20:00.000+08:00

no one ever tells me anything =(

on a brighter note, i'm going out for satay dinner with jas on saturday.

meeting at 6.30 at city hall control station or anytime after at esplanade's Glutton Bay! influenced heavily by media - lost and found or sth liddat =)

OMG!!!!

2006-04-12T22:45:00.000+08:00

we're going going going going going!!!!!

WOOHOO!!!

sigh

2006-04-05T22:28:00.000+08:00

draining draining draining.

the entire day has drained me out of all my energy.

especially the germany thing.

I REALLY REALLY WANT TO GO.

sigh.

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

2006-04-04T21:14:00.000+08:00

piss me off somemore. PISS ME OFF SOMEMORE AND I'LL FUCKING PISS YOU OFF.

notice a pattern below:

may not be able to go to germany.

*gasps*

then again i may be able to go.

now that i'm a little less pissed at andreas i can think a little.

the rest can go. WANT to go rather.

just gotta love my friends.

on a completely different note, i just love PE teachers.

REALLY.

have you noticed how they always pretend to be grumpy?

SA's PE teachers, like everyone in everywhere in Singapore, has prolly the most authority on discipline (other than Ms K, lit cher). they are the cutest ever. REALLY>

was going home to get some stuff when i walked pass the entire PE dept. just nice, this entire BUS full of team sajc peeps (table tennis i think) drove by, and they just WAVED AND WAVED AND SHIMMIED (like robin teehee) and kept doing that GO GO GO sign.

i just walked pass them and tried my best not to laugh.

the PE teachers just laughed at themselves and carried on.

just gotta love them.

then today, while i was going crazy about the entire germany thing, i walked past one of these chers. and he was smiling from some sms he read, then saw me sulking, then immediately tried his best to furrow his brows, so that he'll look grumpy. then he just nodded when i greeted him.

"going home ar?" -> in grunting manner
"ya"
"*grunt*"

just gotta love em. =)

stuff just HAD to go wrong right?

2006-04-02T22:09:00.000+08:00

seeing as i can go to germany now, things MUST go wrong just to compliment it.

duh. what else can i ask for.

so even though i'm super happy/exhausted/thrilled/tired at 2210 now, spectacle-less (die le la, tml's maths lecture!) incomplete-homework-full (hahaha just thinking of words to put in) i'm just so worried about tomorrow.

worried about no specs, incomplete homework, no specs, berlin, no specs, air tickets, no specs.

*sigh*

was kann ich jetzt machen?!?!?!?!

on a completely different note, i've been reading SO MANY noteworthy blogs of late (excl those already permanantly in my toolbar:kennysia, boingboing, xiaxue etc.) that i have no time to blog cos i'm READING better ones.

hahahaha.

i'm going crazy and school's not really that properly started yet.

*sigh*

ich bin so ueberrascht.

OMG

2006-04-01T22:09:00.000+08:00

WE'RE GOING GOING GOING GOING GOING.

i think.

that's if nothing's wrong with air tickets, hostels, accomodation at frankenberg, itinerary, transport arrangements, arrangements with xy's aunt, parents, money and ederthalschule.

WOOT

you don't even get CLOSE to knowing what excited means!!!!

it's all a dream right

2006-03-30T22:30:00.000+08:00

someone pinch me. like seriously.

WTF IST LOS MIT MOE!!?!?!?!?! WAS IST LOS MIT DER LEHRERINNEN (UND DER FRAU. ICH WEISS!)

ICH BIN SO BOESE JETZT, DASS ICH AMERIKA ESSEN WILL.

ok ok, ich weiss. es ist sehr dumm, dass ich so sage.

jetzt auf englisch, dann kann ich bessere erklaeren.

fuck fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

but i saw that coming didn't i.

urgh.

sad-ded. that's what i am

terribly sad-ded.

SIGH.

SIGH.

SIGH.

there goes my dreams again.

there goes my dreams again.

there goes my dreams again.

wtf.

wtf.

wtf.

NO TRIP TO GERMANY

NO TRIP TO GERMANY

NO TRIP TO GERMANY

BAH.

BAH.

BAH.

i'm fine now.............. but regrets will always be there.

SIGH.

there is hope yet!!!

2006-03-29T22:50:00.000+08:00

and i'm OVERJOYED!!! EXHILARATED!!! UNBELIEVABLY NERVOUS ABOUT TIX NOW!!!!

omg. who cares about weltmeistershaft man... if i can germany really WHO CARES!!!!

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!

this is almost as exciting as when i woke up after half time during ISTANBUL and saw gerrard score that goal!

WOOT.

now cross your fingers and hope that i can go!!!

DEUTSCHLAND, HIER KOMME ICH!!!

heart ache. serious one this time!

2006-03-28T21:59:00.000+08:00

it hurts so bad, when i thought that you can help.

i didn't expect it to be otherwise.

or shall i say, i didn't expect you to tell me one thing and tell others exactly opposite.

how am i to trust you now?

blatantly quoted from serene (www.whatabeautifulaccident.blogspot.com)

"forever is only as long as the heart lets it be."

"to forget is to remember."
and this is the best way to forget. at least i think so."

"the saddest person in the world is not she who cries the most, but she who smiles the least."

hah. well spoken my dear.

why do i feel that what had happened in my entire life was just a show? what the fuck is wrong with my judgement????!!!?!

whoop de doo...

2006-03-27T23:07:00.000+08:00

we're not going to germany. how predictable.

i'm quite disappointed of course. especially if i'm confirmed going to US.

*sighs*

and somehow they all think that i can make it back for an exchange with them in november. i don't know about that though.

i'm quite sad that i had to bother uncle ivan for nothing, did research for nothing, got hyped up for nothing.

and i really want to go during june to get the world cup fever!!! it's never the same in singapore!!!!

URGH.

disappointment sucks. the regret will not come for a few more years though. i'm thinking of when i'm going in to KU and if i can hazard going to UK and Deutschland for 2 weeks or so before that? dunno.

SO DISAPPOINTED. they don't get it.

and i'm still trying for the scholarship my dear xinyi. even though i'm more or less confirmed in KU i don't want to risk anything.

and a thousand dollars sure will brighten my day too.

URGH. SO DISAPPOINTED.

never mind. i'll just go myself sometime.

and me and jas already said that we'll go!!! like backpacking after As!!! right jas? (miss ya babe!!!)

unfortunately for wenxin, i'll probably not trust her enough to ever want to go backpacking. nope. =p

so now it's bedtime for me and i'll try to sleep of the disappointment.

after all, it won't be the first time.

*shrugs*

100th post

2006-03-26T23:18:00.000+08:00

and it ain't pretty.

i just finished reading another round of postsecrets, which i don't fail to do every sunday night or monday morning.

it calms me down to say the least.

it teaches me to cry, and that's a lot.

it also helps to me get un-pissed at people. (currently it's xinyi)

details, then the whole postsecrets thing.

we're planning a trip to germany (one which even i think will not take place now) in june. in short, (you want details? you'll die) xinyi's trip has lots of travelling, esp by night, and it's a round trip, meaning you'll have to literally go in a circle. i don't think it's good cos i want to see the place, not travel on trains.

mine is working slowly but surely northwards, from munich to berlin. same itinary and stuff.

what got me working is that she can't seem to care about air tix now. it's so crucial she can't understand. and she don't understand why i want to go in june so badly.

i'll miss them all when i go to the states. one last happy memory, no? must i never get to tell people of how much fun we (could) have at germany?

i dunno. urgh

so, postsecrets.

i realised that after the Os, i was not able to cry.

like literally. no more tears.

and to cry relieves SO much stress from me (i'm still pretty much fucked up, thank you very much) and that i can't cry can literally kill me.

thank you postsecret. seriously. i look, and i realise that i can't be so selfish as to think that my stupid little problem here beats those that the rest of the world are facing.

so.

i'll go cry now or punch my pillow or sth.

update tml.

ARGH.

I WANT TO GO TO GERMANY!!!!!

what i wanted to say...

2006-03-20T22:29:00.000+08:00

i've noticed several people *coff coff* telling me to chill it with my mum. it's fine now, and we even go out and stuff. hehe. thanks SO MUCH for your concern though =) love y'all!

cos my photo post will take ages (i'm completely pretending that i can't remember where my taiwan photos are) to complete due to sheer size and uploading shit (it's going to be greatly reduced cos i remembered my flickr account username and password!!!), so i decided another wordy post first. if i can, that is. it's 11,56 pm and i have to wake up early tomorrow to go back to Chung Cheng to help out. *is pissed with self*

firstly, a topic that i want to get over and done with but always seem to shock people.

USA.

yes, i'm going. that is after i completed the entire application process, i.e. verifying various documents as true by chung cheng, getting my parent's bank statement, an affidavit *eyes pops out* of support *rolls on the floor* and SAT scores sent to school.

*phew*

and the only thing i've done is.... is.... is....

okay, i was BUSY alright?!

have to do that soon though. cos (i know i'm not religious yet and all) i went to the temple and qiu qian and the qian (accurately, oh my ~~God~~ sharks) told me that i should stop dallying around and make up my mind about my life already.

wow. talk about spiritual enlightening.

so i've decided - partially - that i want to major in int'l business. surprising right? who would have thought. and maybe double major in psych or minor in that or just take german studies.

urgh. tired tired tired. finally made a choice.

so. that over and done already, i hope.

next up, orientation 2.

since i was posted to science faculty and was born in the end of the year, i was in Teleria.

no cheers. i SO MISSED SEQUILA!

*sobs*

it was heart-wrenching to not be able to cheer those cheers with sequila. who cares if i thought teleria's cheers were cool? pointless, really, cos the coolest cheer will forever be the best tribe in town cheer. and that's SEQUILA's cheer.

*sobs with regret*

anyways, my OG's okay, not as crazy as my previous one and definitely weird. as in sci-fac weird. what fuzzy wuzzy? what angels fall from the sky? what black magic? (my reactions were huh? huh? and wahlaoitssooldlestillplayar! respectively) And the best part was that everyone was playing ego game and did not care to explain the 'games' to me.

BAH. fun is in the sharing. so whatever (teleria style) to fuzzwuzz.

that's alright though, i never felt too at home there either. and i think i must have irritated ms ye, this ueber...erm... act-cute-and-authoratative teacher when i bothered her with the appeals and german and stuff.

hehe *sheepish grin* sorry ar. but it's my future you know!

induction was okay, considering i didn't feel homey there. we had to make this structure and let 'the chosen one' in our OG sit on it while going around doing terror exercises. amanda, being the lightest at 39kg went up and stayed up.

induction was okay i guess. we had change parade ( change at teacher's command till everyone wanted to kill the pe dept ) then the briefing then lots of jumping jacks and pumping and then the making of the structure.

we did a chair thing (chair and bamboo stick and lots of raffia) and was contemplating an umbrella. some other groups started copying us ( who copied in the first place ) and we ended up with lots of chair ideas.

we had to do two rounds round the track while carrying the never-ever-touch-the-ground structure before doing stuff like twisted caterpillar (numbers in a square on the floor and lots of twisting and stooping and going over to get 15 people squashed up) and spiderweb (complete with a low height so as to let you carry structure across) and more two rounds (though we cheated and did 1 usually) and crunches and pumping and pull ups and step ups and more two rounds and running up and down staircases with structure and....

*phew* super tired at the end of the day, even though amanda was so bouncy and high and SO not tired. went out dinner with baijie in the end cos i couldn't find my OG and half of the people didn't want to go for OG dinner anyway.

Orientation itself was still the same rahrah but just did not pack as much punch as the last one. maybe it was because i was in teleria? i dunno. we played our station games and had talks and what not, but it was just not the same. it was just so PACKED together that it just didn't seem real.

urgh. regret AGAIN. how i hate that feeling.

even disco night should be called disco evening.

it was so bright even normally rah rah rachel didn't want to dance. luckily, i found crazy enough friends in visiting-bev and peihui(only a little) and khairin (dunno how to spell). danced as crazily as i could.

one thing that seriously puzzled me was jolene's behaviour. everytime i tried talking to her she just smiled at me. even zhen ling would say hi. what's up with that mysterious smile and all?

honestly, i don't care. you don't want a friend in me, i'll gladly oblige. you're insignificant remember? bah. and the best thing is that you don't know how many people dislike you already. and i don't. so your choice, you'll suffer.

so.

fun-ner stuff now.

GERMAN CAMP.

ooh. auf Deutsch jetzt, oder?

nur 2 tage, 1 nacht. aber ich habe viel spass! ich liebe besonders Sagaland und die Unterhaltung mit meinen Freunde. Es gibt weniger Sterne weil es wolkig war.

aber am lustigen (?) war lederhose und ek. lederhose und ek hatten fuer die ganze Camp Haendchen halten.

o.0

ja. es war sehr... erm... ? komisch? zuerst komisch. dann wird es unheimlich. ich denke, dass jederzeit lederhose ,saranghaeyo(?)' sagen, meint er genauso.

woohoo. SCANDAL tja?!

and for those who can't understand Deutsch and can't be bothered to babblefish the above short text, here's a more elaborated version in englisch.

GERMAN CAMP!

only 2 days, 1 night, which is a huge pity! but i had LOTS of fun! met up with Herr S and Liesel and Lederhose to buy our German breakfast, which was sadly not very german. lol. and we spent wayyyyyy too much. like nearly 80 bucks for (supposedly 14, but only 9 stayed to eat. bah)

we played this ueber cool game called Sagaland, where you have trees with pictures on the bases. u have counters to move about and there are cards showing a picture which matches one tree. when u land in front of a tree, you can see the picture. when u see the picture matching the tree then u just 'run' to the castle to shout it out to the world - and keep the tree and card. winner gets 3 cards first. chin yue did that. but BUT but, i got 4 in the end.

*smug grin*

so i'm crowned Sagaland queen.

we also learnt some german songs and my personal favourite is the lullaby by Brahms.

Guten Abend, Gute Nacht
Mit Rosen bedacht
Mit Naeglein besteckt
Schlupf unter die Deck'
Morgen frueh
Wenn Gott will
wirst du wieder geweckt.

cool song.

most interesting was not the teachers being late, or the multiple mosquitos having a feast but lederhose and ek.

now i know why lederhose wanted to learn what saranghaeyo is.

MUAHAHAHAHA.

seems like everytime he said it to ek he MEANT it.

whoa.

and the hand holding thing was scandalous. REALLY SCANDALOUS.

lederhose was like: i like to touch people *starts grabbing ek's hand*

right. cool pick up line tho, must agree with xinyi. =p

fruits of our pathetic labour is on class page: gh22006.blogspot.com

HOLIDAYS.

generally boring. even though i dreaded start of school, i sort of looked forward to it cos i was just SO BORED.

went back to cchms to clean up the super super super filthy career guidance room. just doing something that i think would be wonderful to others. i will always look back and wish that there was a place with some SOME info on unis and jcs and stuff. hopefully the future generation finds it useful...

other than that, no going out, generally. i went to the other small scale USA fair thing. but all the unis were either too ex or too good. lol. the UPenn person was so good that there was a queue for her just for career guidance. took some stuff back for cchms.

went to miss seah's house on sunday, read for the umpteenth time on scorpios.

I NEED TO FUCKING LET GO.

*whew*

that out, i feel better already. i seem to always forget what the book says. (btw, i'm a somewhat staunch believer in astrology.) i need to let go or i'll forever be consumed by darkness. or sth like that. i dunno.

LET GO.

JUST LET GO.

and breathe. =)

anyways. it's actually 20th march 10:20 pm now. i did not send out anything to postsecret as said earlier. mainly cos jas helped me much =) and also cos i was busy.

first day of school and i'll post.

first thing people said was that my shirt was too big. o.0

thanks a LOT la! i know it's big. don't have to point our right. *pouts*

didn't even sit with my class. mostly with oli and the cchms gang. me and wenjin talked a little bout US. seems like she's got lots of family there. how cool is that. apparently her family doesn't want to go there cos the food there sucked. -.-||| i know.

anyways. printed out the forms. probably will go back to cchms soon. find chen lao to talk and get mrs low to help me post out the stuff. need parents' affidavit thingamajig and stuff. I HATE FORMS.

and am somewhat paranoid about writing an essay for the scholarship. how can i make it convincing?!

got to go sleep. btw, so you think you can dance was a bit erm.... but i think it'll get better. i love dancing. can't tell? i KNOW. lol. was in chinese dance last time y'know. no you didn't? well too bad =D

cereal, campbell and brokeback spoofs

2006-03-06T16:46:00.000+08:00

just revived my ueber tired self with cereal, campbell soup and brokeback spoof. i haven't watched the oscars yet. but will soon. =) tonight. i'm so rooting for brokeback!!!

anyways. i went out to eat lunch with baijie today, and i just spilled all my horrible feelings out. he listens, i don't know how much, but he listens, and that's good enough for me. i felt much better when i was on my way home. suddenly the world did not seem so bleak.

then i went home, got on my laptop and opened up stuff. i was going to play maple (it's like i just don't want kerwin to beat me! i will catch up even though i'm 20+ levels behind!) when on a whim i decided to go thru my hotmail account, which truth be told i rarely use/check.

the first post (and the latest) was by jasimah. i can't describe how that single email made me feel much better. from being moody, downinthedumps and antisocial, suddenly the everything was much better. i wish i had more friends like her =)

anyways. i have 16 tabs open on my mozillafirefox right now. gotta go thru them. then go thru the unis that i've singled out, maybe send some emails on the scholarships thingy and play more maple. who knows, i may actually speak to my mum after this *shrugs*

btw, i head that someone from vj committed suicide. *Shudders* i just can't stand it, even though it has been central to my life for quite some time...

post a secret...

2006-03-05T22:08:00.000+08:00

...i'm going to do that. my parents found out (finally) about my shoplifting and how X is not really that great a friend. luckily, they were three or four steps behind me in that, and i'm already in the process of slowly making acquaintances out of someone i was so close to.

and no matter what my parents say, i still think that they don't get me. the era's different for god's sake. i would gladly live in their time, their time of illegal hawkering, their time of hunger and iceballs and five-cent-a-bowl for noodles. i rather live in their hardship and live in their time of barefeet and running around and girls playing chapteh with the guys. what i say/type is not what i feel.

they don't get me. i think they never will.

and they never know how much it breaks my heart whenever they mistake my mistakes for rebelling and such. they just don't know that i love them much more than they'll ever love me. and they probably will never get it.

they will get why i rather cry alone in the toilet or the rooms than worrying them. they don't understand why i never cut cos i am fine, but because i can't cut (other than my dislike for penknives) because if they know they'll worry and fuss too much. and they never knew how much i stress myself over results. they think i'm happy-go-lucky? then they really don't know me. sometimes, i'll give all to be what people think i am.

i'm crying so hard and no one will ever see it. or be here to comfort me.

i'm sending in a postcard to postsecret by the end of the march holidays. hopefully it'll get posted, and i won't feel so alone no more...

FUCK YOU. LIKE SERIOUSLY.

2006-03-04T17:49:00.000+08:00

seriously. for 3 odd times i've been to the Study AEO Tour, never once, NEVER ONCE have my parents fucking helped me. why? because they say that if they even open their mouth it meant that they are "restricting" and "making decisions for me".

WHAT THE FUCK.

look around. seriously. every kid there, from sec4 to past NS, has parents around to gently guide them through the fucking fair. what about my parents? sit at the chairs provided and give me those "what-the-fuck-are-you-still-sitting-here-i-don't-care-about-you-you-are-so-embarassing-me-with-your-horrible-paranoia"
look.

PLEASE. stop giving yourself fucking excuses. i said multiple times that i rather stay in singapore to help save costs and give kim the chance instead, especially since you two are jobless. BUT NO. you guys push all the blame/added responsibility on me and make me so fucking stressed out for nothing.

SHUT UP ALREADY.

watching Get Real now, and my fucking dad kept commenting on how i'll "dump him as soon as i go to the US and put my parents in an old age home".

FUCK YOU. i mean FUCK YOU SERIOUSLY. i didn't give a fucking damn when you said i was stupid. i didn't give a flying fuck when you said that i was irresponsible or when you put blame on me when i shouldn't get. i didn't give a damn shit when you tell the rest of the world that your daughters basically suck. but don't you dare fucking say that i don't care about you guys. i never felt loved since godknowswhen, just caring about your needs and putting up with your shit. i help to save money when you two lost jobs. i tried my best at everything just so that i can get good grades and go to a good school to get a good job and give you your fucking lambourghini and fucking white leather suit. don't you fucking underestimate me.

FUCK YOU. SERIOUSLY. and since i seldom get riled up. you know i mean it.

5th march 10:05 pm. i don't really mean the fucks. seriously. but i meant it when i said that they don't understand me at all. i still feel as lost as before. and i always feel like crying. talking to them is not an option. i've tried, and before they listen, they start giving advice. that makes me feel worse. i just have a cry and try to feel better. *shrugs*

fucking tired

2006-02-24T23:14:00.000+08:00

i know it's irrational but i need to do this. if it sustained me through fucking o levels it will too now.

NO ONE CARES JUST HOW TIRED I AM AND HOW I JUST NEED A BREAK.

stop STOP STOP bitching to me. for god's sake. i'm pissed, i just want peace and quiet.

stop fucking stop telling me that i have to do this and that and this and that. i feel like jumping off the swissotel now, that's how tired i am. i read my book to relax, not try to pretend that i'm super free.

i want to fucking watch tv without people yelling at me to do this, that, this, that FOR THEM. i need TIME ALONE.

just in case you don't get it, I NEED TIME ALONE.

i just screwed up my sis's iPod, i have not recovered from training, german was a killer trying to explain my logical state of mind to people who didn't care and i just want to relax. QUIT SHOUTING AT ME ALREADY.

and the best thing is that i don't even have my remedy song, the song that i kept replaying in the toilets in cchms just to make sure i didn't strangle my classmates:

Breathe (2 AM) - Anna Nalick

2 Am and she calls me cause I'm still awake
Can you help me unravel my latest mistake
I don't love him and winter just wasn't my season.
Yea we walk through the doors so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize
Hypocrites you're all here for the very same reason.

Cause you can't jump the track
We're like cars on a cable and life's like an hourglass glued to the table,
No one can find the rewind button girl
So just cradle your head in your hands.
And breathe, just breathe, whoa breathe just breathe

May he turned 21 on the base of Fort Bliss
Just today he sat down to the flask in his fist
Ain't been sober since maybe October of last year
Here in town you can tell he's been down for while
But my God it's so beautiful when the boy smiles
Wanna hold him but maybe I'll just sing about it

Cause you can't jump the track
We're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass glued to the table,
No one can find the rewind button boys
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe, just breathe, whoa breath just breathe

There's a light at the end of this tunnel you shout cause
You're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made
You'll just make them again if you'll only try turnin' around

2Am and I'm still awake writing this song
If i get it all down on paper it's no lonmger inside of me threaten' the life it belongs to.
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary screamin' out aloud
And I know that you'll use them however you want to.

But you can't jump the track
We're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass glued to the table,
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand...yeah breath
Just breathe, ohho breathe...

if i could fucking breathe, i would. this is polo training a million times and infinity over.

BAH.

winter olympics, homework and taiwan

2006-02-21T20:21:00.000+08:00

i went to taiwan from thursday to sunday. I LOVED IT, as usual. of course, i got to watch Brokeback Mountain.

HOW COOL IS THAT?

to rub salt to your wounds, the age limit is SIX years old over there. now, who wants to practise mass-migration to Taiwan?

muahahahaha.

i'll blog with photos when i have the time. i think i deleted an entire day's worth of photos, which isn't too cool. =(

the trip naturally ensured that i missed as many econs lessons as i possibly can, missed out on an exciting robbery chase after this guy tried to pocket my friend's wallet, made my poor ingrown toenail so inflammed that i had to wear slippers for (so far) two days.

but nothing, NOTHING, beats the shopping, the walking around, blowing smoke through your mouth when it's supposed to be sixteen degrees, walking around with your brolly half open, ready to fight the light drizzle (acid rain totally KILLS your hair) and just speaking with that Taiwanese accent.

of course, i'll always have Brokeback Mountain.

all i want now is to have someone tell me : I don't know how to quit you.

=p

******************************************************************************

overdue homework is piling up, as it always does after overseas trips.

BAH

econs, gp, geog, german, econs, geog, econs, maths, econs.

yup, that's about all.

*********************************************************************************

i'm super in love with winter olympics.

have forever been in love with ice skating, forever will be.

=)

was a bit upset that michelle kwan had to withdraw though. am positively in love with her skating. it's so....her. even from her younger days. i do hope that sasha cohen can do it too of course, but nothing beats michelle. NOTHING.

also. the alpine skiing. HOW COOL IS SLALOM!!!!!

i want to learn slalom. i think i'll just die of adrenaline rushes. and i think as long as i'm fit i can do it, i'm sure that i can do giant slaloms, cos i'm mentally fitted for it.

SERIOUS!!!

i went down a slope in korea so fast even though i was going slight 's' shape (like in most slalom runs) that my parents nearly had a heart attack.

of course, i'm sure they'll be happier if the s shape i was assuming was merely to dodge the various peoples around me. =p

so.

i love winter.

i love the olympics.

i love the winter olympics (and can you believe it, i want to go to the 2010 winter olympics in god knows where)

=)

but after the olympics, i'm pretty sure i'll forget it...

FOR FOOTBALL!

heh.

those who support germany, start singing 99 Luftballon:

Hast du einfach eins fuer mich,
Singe ich ein Lied fuer dich von
neun und neunzig Luftballon,
von ihrem weg zum ....(?)

=D

i think 2006 will be a great year.

jae's over. what can i do now?

2006-02-15T21:34:00.000+08:00

JAE'S OVER! sense of relief, not really. my choices, in order :

National JC - Science
Victoria JC - Arts
SAJC (!) - Science
SAJC (!) - Arts
AJC - Science
AJC - Arts

there were some more, but i don't think it's important...

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i nearly lost my testi. got a new one from school, plus dad found it. stupid me was late for the meeting with Jas, because of going back to school, that meant that i was late by an hour. =( even worse was that Jas had no phone! so i stuck in school, frantically phoning her mum till she got home.

then, i went back to Tango Mango to have a peek. they were busy, so couldn't talk. they said i looked better with a tan (just came back from sentosa, CG outing yesterday) and that i looked more mature with my hair down. o.0 haha. i love my hair!

my dad volunteered for retrenchment so he could get the package. i thought it was stupid, especially since mum's not working now. but oh wells, they're talented. jobs would come their way sooner or later. *shrugs* for now, i'm cutting back on spending whenever i can, especially when taking money from them. i try to be filial, though it's hard.

************************************************************************************

i am going to taiwan on thursday, coming back on sunday!!!

happy studying! MUAHAHAHA.

*sheepish grin*

i love going overseas *swoons*

results and choosing school

2006-02-14T00:19:00.000+08:00

i got back my results. 11 raw score, 7 with bonus. scores are as follows (note the nice pattern):

English: A2
Maths: A1
A Maths: A2
Geog: A2
Combined Humanities: A2 (!!!)
German: A2
Chinese: A2
Physics: B3
Chemistry: B3
HIGHER CHINESE: C5

sucker chinese.

************************************************************************************

i was quite upset when ( here i go again, telling people how absolutely horrible ms lai is) ms lai gave me the pink form wrongly.

the pink form is for people who scored 5A1s and above to fill in, to let the school tell them to come back for speech day to get money.

of course, i was overjoyed to get it.

until i realised that 6 out of 7 As were A TWOS.

stoopid ms lai. =(

cheat my feelings. =(

overall, i was quite okay with my results. bah. what else can i say?!

i'll probably choose to go V or to N, failing that, i'll stick to SA. and lots of people have been discouraging me from going to US lately. sucker all, SHUT UP ALREADY!!! i want to go. i just am doubtful of getting a scholarship, alright?!

incidentally, wenxin's top scorer in singapore. so cool =)
************************************************************************************

i am suitably pissed at X.

X is a good friend, smart, reasonably pretty, and has enough suitors to choose from.

she chose Z, whom she thought was perfect, but who i think sucks. like seriously.

when X and i were studying, Z came, and i was really really shocked that X could even have a boyfriend like Z. it got worser, naturally, when X told me that she slept with Z, because she felt like it/was in the mood and only after a few weeks of getting to know Z.

wow. what happened to her good sense?!

and the best thing is, smart as she is, they didn't use condoms. Z ACTUALLY CLAIMED THAT CONDOMS REDUCED HIS PLEASURE, THAT FUCKER. if X ever gets pregnant, i'll go with her for the entire abortion shit, and probably slap that fucker Z about 10 odd times.

what's wrong with X?!

OMG

2006-02-03T22:53:00.000+08:00

omg is right. my entire post is gone. sucker. so. here we go again....

so.

first polo training was land. we did running, circuits, intros till it rained heavily. sian, yes i know. then we did some pull ups and then did ball tapping.

my seniors reminiscent about us ball tapping. i couldn't believe i thought it was fun. i most certainly don't think so now. =)

then we played boundary-less captain's ball mixed team each. SUPER FUN! but i still can't remember everyone's name. *sheepish grin*

the first water training was with the guys and all the J2s, cos the coach was away playing for singapore at some games. 0.o did warm ups, sprinting, more sprinting, more sprinting, then ball tapping. after a while, we did passing. i partnered with Elspeth. our passing was nothing short of a disaster. it kept rolling into the water, and i went in to get the ball. =
then we learnt to tread water, or shall i say attempt to learn to tread water. i tread either the tiring frog style, or the inward kick but not bobbing. we had to alternate the legs, use the hands to scull the water at the same time and not bob. WTF?!

2nd training (in case you have not realised, this is so not in chronological order. my dying brain insists that i post in terms of topics) was water. but i couldn't go in cos i had my period HEAVY FLOW wth. i so wanted to swim, especially since our coach was back. he's called ben (refused to be called sir, too young, he claims) and is shared between everyone (guys and girls i mean, and please don't think dirty).

while the rest of them did four-three-two-one sprints, me elspeth eleanor did nothing. until we asked, yes ASKED to tap the ball. hey, better that than nothing!!! after awhile, ben taught us to do long pass with the wall. seems stupid at first, but passing and catching (with our right hands only, mind you) was SO much easier after that. =) the rest of the girls learnt treading water =( still super sad that i couldn't swim. then, they accompanied us long passing the wall. then the people who could swim did passing in the water. *ich bin sehr sehr SEHR gruen von Neid*

************************************************************************************

CNY preparations was mostly painting and spring cleaning. started from like a month ago (?) and will probably never end - my mum thinks my room is a constant mess. painted my room green and the rest of the house blue. quite tiring, but ueber easy after i got the momentum. was not so afraid of getting up the ladder after awhile. =) btw, i hate ladders cos i think they are so SO super unsteady, and i somehow think i'm going to fall. =
loads of cleaning up, especially with throwing stuff away, giving away old but usable stuff and throwing away stuff. i swear my house must have been cleaned thoroughly dozens of time. somehow my mum never thinks it's clean. T.T

poor me. stuck with spring cleaning.

************************************************************************************

german is was will be ueber fun. my teacher is herr Stratomeier, super funny guy. he makes the lessons GREAT. so far, we've listened to tonnes of music, went through super hard texts, and are about to embark on our first ever argumentative essay. i can't even write one properly in english, much less german. =D

but the best thing must be the possibility of us going to Germany in June!!! woot!!! super excited. me and xinyi and jas and ek and loads of other people are deciding that if there isn't an austausch, we'll go alone. =) can life get any better?!

and to top that off, i'll probably go back to tango mango for a weekend job, either for money, or for the trip =DDDDDDDD

************************************************************************************

chinese new year completely rocks!!! even though i get lesser red packets every year, but it's okay. i'm fine with it. it's the visitation and the bak kwa and the GAMBLING that makes it fun!

after the usual boring visitations, the cards come out and so does the money. I LOVE THE MONEY!!! blackjack usually doesn't earn me more than 2 dollars and lots of atmosphere. but this year, my grandma taught me a new game : si se pai. (four coloured cards)

it must be THE gambling thing of the year man....

me and my mum won 10+ dollars (quite alot considering we were playing 50c 1dollar game), enough for me to watch fearless with serene. =)

************************************************************************************

back to school life.

i forgot about milo spillage, but vaguely remember eliza spilling milo on me. the main thing here is ELSA.

omg. long story, long story. we have like orientation, and there was this skit. in it there was a relatively insignificant (think casey leong/gp) person - an environmentalist named elsa.

currently, we declared gossip pollution, thus naming our cute little group the polluters. somehow, we thought of elsa fighting pollution, hence gossip. therefore, we named elsa, well, elsa.

she's not a horrible girl per se, but the fact that she does not even know that she is not well liked is very questionable. it's quite obvious after all. elsa dearest is from a neighborhood school, speaks perfect english and not a single word of chinese. she talks too loudly for a normal person ( i think her voice is perfect for drama. that's how loud it is.) and she talks when not needed, therefore leading to awkward pauses. also, she tends to be nicer to teachers, hence rather letting the teachers know that her fellow classmates are playing truant, rather than displaying upmost loyalty and keeping the truth from the teacher for us.

really.

i try to be nice, but she gets on my nerves. end of story.

omg, it couldn't have been so long!

2006-02-01T22:22:00.000+08:00

i really don't believe the last i posted was 3rd january. it seemed as though i have been missing in action for far too long, so i will blog as much as i can today.

time started blogging: 10:22pm +8 GMT

let's see. i'll pick up from where i last stopped blogging, so just read from my previous post to get half the gist.

point form first.

my mum did not get the british council job. (sad) she better be actively looking for a job, or i'll die of, well, i dunno... too much scolding/nagging maybe?
in case for some weird reason you were wondering otherwise, i'm not at all close to the other cchms people here, 'cept for landis and a little for wenjin. i'm fine with my CG mates
i was SO wrong about my OG. they were super rah rah for the rest of the orientation, to the point where i was actually terrified of them. *gives a sheepish grin* they are still the coolest, fun-nest people around, even though they still have the tendency to lapse back into their let's-do-the-chicken-dance-in-front-of-mrt-control-stations-for-fun spirit. =p
and duh, my OGLs were right about the "we'll see at the end of the day" thing. =)
i gave up trying to tell my school that i wanted 4 H2s, and just went for it. WITH official permission. i got my form signed, went to all my lectures/tutorials and no one is stopping me. i shan't stop anytime soon anyway =p whatever to my school MUAHAHAHAHA.

okie, that was in response to my previous post, just to help me link up to the present a little easier.

we got CG postings, and i was in the same CG as jasimah, clara, bevelry, marco, keynes, eileen (who i turned out to like =p), all of whom i know. =) my OG was a little peeved at the fact that i already knew so many people in my CG and did not sit with them during breaks (we were still on lecture timetable). they were fine after awhile, and we are still cool. =)

of course i got to know more people from my class and made reasonably firm friends too. =)

then there was 1st intake CCA sign-up.

i was SO into canoeing, but was afraid that i couldn't go for training, especially since i have german (shh...!) on wednesdays and fridays. so i put my name down for (in that order) canoeing, CO (rolls eyes), cricket(laughs) and waterpolo. would have tried for ODAC, but there were just TOO MANY PEOPLE!!!

and frankly, secondary school spoilt drama for me, so no thanks =)

i decided to go for waterpolo trials instead of canoeing because they clashed.

waterpolo's land trial was running. like endurance running. people who know and love me know that i can't run for nuts, so endurance struck fear in me.

i ran.

and ran.

and ran.

and ran.

and ran.

and ran.

and ran.

and ran.

and ran.

and ran.

yes, if you were counting, i ran 10 rounds without stopping. stop and you're out.

i was out of land trials. *sobs*

then, there were water trials.

TRUST ME, i wanted to DIE.

i've not swam in ages, so my pool stamina is not back yet. much less for sprinting.

after two rounds of warm up, we sprinted (in groups) for 2 laps (breadths, as according to a waterpolo game) and 1 lap consecutively. and i mean consecutively. i wanted to die. in fact, given a choice i think i might have. my arms were aching, it was hard to breathe, i couldn't stand (thank goodness the other girls couldn't too =p)

so we waited for results the next day.

and i GOT IN.

OMG.

OMG.

OMG!!!!

so cool!!!!

yep.

then one of the days ( i think tuesday or monday or someday) me xinyi eliza jasimah serene clayton went out to watch memoirs of a geisha. and hands down, it was MUCH better than the book. (if i may repeat it again, the book sucked.) i especially loved the little Chiyo, LOVED GONG LI (she was super good) and loved the lost lover dance scene by zhang ziyi ( i nearly typed whatever-her-name-is cos i forgot). SUPER NiCE. i can't say that zzy's acting is lousy, but she's too chinese to believe. Michelle yeoh's role was okay, her english was too perfect, but her jap accent was SUPER believable. when have i ever praised a movie (don't think million dollar baby please =) )

then (all this is in chronological order but without dates cos i can't remember) 25th jan was x-country for my school.

suckers, so early in the year!!!

me and my friends half walked half ran, getting no position cards (after top 200 for entire school same sex people). eliza got top for Romanis =D my OG had impromptu outing, and we watched In Her Shoes. not bad, but the plot was very shaky. i shan't attack it cos i'm mellowing.

then had CNY celebrations. was super pissed at my school cos we had lessons first before the celebrations, AND they wanted to keep us back so we couldn't leave schools until the J2s were done. the 'carnival' was super boring. i wonder how the j2s survived.

it's like this: we were split up. j2s for 'carnival' first, while j1s have concert. then j2s have concert while j1s have 'carnival'. to be fair, j1s can't leave till j2s are done. which is super unfair cos the carnival is super boring. bah. but i think too many parents tried coming to fetch their kids till all the teachers gave up and let us off.

(i completely forgot to mention my first trainings for polo!)

mum is calling, to be continued.

polo trainings.
cny preps
painting
new year visitations
gambling
german
milo spillage
elsa

these are the stuff i'm to blog about =)

btw, i hate elsa, which isn't even her real name.

Saintaldeia

2006-01-03T16:21:00.000+08:00

Saintaldeia, or Saint's Village, where my new school is located, is also the theme of this year's orientation.

my mum actually managed to wake up to send me to school. (sidenote: i really hope she gets the Brit Council job, or me and my sis will kill each other to shorten our misery. INFER) my dad decided to ka jiao us, so he drove right in front of us while we were cutting across the carpark. he sent my sis to school.

the first cchms person i saw was tiffany. then wei ting, landis, joyce, her twin, xiao en and the EP gang came streaming in(?) to the school.

the whole orientation is splitted into different OGs (Orientation Groups) and there are only 6 for Arts, which i am in. the science ones stretched till 29(?) from 7. it started with the usual performance by student councillors, followed by ice breakers. it was fairly okay: by the end of the icebreakers we all knew each others' names.

but somehow, the councillors could not induce the rah rah spirit into my OG. or any OG for that matter of fact. people were still looking for friends of the same school, you know that sort of thing.

BAH.

the councillors were great fun, but i somehow was disappointed, because i thought that SA orientations were more than just this.

but, as my OG leaders say, we shall see, by the end of the day.

************************************************************************************

i dunno what to choose for subject combis...

i am definitely going to take German, even if it meant begging my new principal to sign the endorsement form. Lit sounds like fun too. i will DEFINITELY take geog, cos it is like my favouritest subject.

and as my lousy civics tutor couldn't tell me if i could replace german with another subject, i'll probably take maths. so the combi will be something like H2 Geog, H2 Lit, H2 Maths, H2 German and either H1 econs or H1 chem.

whoopee.

i hope that my OG mates can be more rah rah. then JC will be more fun for me.

other than that, SA was fun. the food is expensive, the grounds are new, the toilets are clean, the halls smelt new - everything was really weird, cos even the councillors could get lost (but they made sure that we didn't).

i am so tired. bah.

going to central later to post a new year card for my parents, post my cheque and buy mineral water for Cellfood.

and my mum wants to come along. *rolls eyes*

Get a job already!!!

my new laptop

2006-01-02T21:48:00.000+08:00

i have a laptop now!!!

like, it's MINE and MINE ONLY.

funny, cos i thought my mum was broke as she doesn't have a job now.

*shrugs*

it's ueber nice really, having a laptop. she insists that i can't play games. that does not really explain the 20% of file download for Maple does it?

LOL

my sis is getting her own too. and the same phone as me. we're downgrading to a starhub plan, getting more smses in the mean time =)

it's been a great start to the year so far...

i found out that it takes only fifteen - FIFTEEN - minutes of walking to reach my new school.

but that means walking thru an almost deserted carpark and cross a overhead bridge of the highway. and that gives my newly jobless mum something to do : walk me to school.

HORROR OF HORRORS!!!

lol.

but it's great knowing that i can wake up a little later in the morning =D

i hope that i can do well in JC. and i do hope that i can go to US now. my mum is leaving her retrenchment package untouched in hope that i can still go. we'll still have to look at the stability of my dad's job. =
I NEED A SCHOLARSHIP, LIKE NOW.

************************************************************************************

i'm giving a sizeable amount of my pay to my parents. and i gave my aunt and uncle a treat in jack's place for their anniversary. it was like a quarter of my pay for 9 people =( hahaha. but we all had fun.

and i gave some money to my grandma, grandpa (bah!) and godma. =)

i suddenly love life. which is scary. cos for last year, i couldn't stand it.

Maybe i've found something nice in my life again. but just maybe. =)

2005, 2006

2006-01-02T01:19:00.000+08:00

what a difference a year makes...

at the beginning of 2005, people around the world ignored whatever plans they had, and insisted on pouring every little bit of effort they could into helping the tsunami victims.

i was then in still a happy-go-lucky mood, just back from vietnam and more or less (or so i thought) ready to take on the sec four year.

how wrong i was.

twelve months later, and definitely much more grown up, i realised that if anything, my attitude at the beginning of the year probably made 2005 such a tough year for me. looking back on blog entries, diary writings, memory flashbacks etc etc, i realised that i have indeed grown through the year, albeit with much pain and reluctance.

but circumstances never go in my way. NEVER. it's like hunting for slime bubbles for Nella's quest (digression: i'm more taken to maple than i realised, even though it is boring, cos it's the only time i can be myself. and guys are actually nice to me.) it's hard.

now, it is 2006. a new year. and for the first time, no new year's resolution.

because this year i do not want to wait for another year to change my life.

i do not want to see my life drain pass me again.

i need to embrace it like i used to.

i need to get rid of the pain and the depression. cos it's killing me softly.

this year, i will work hard in school: hell, after nearly 10 years of "i will work hard in school"s, you'ld think i've learnt my lesson.

this year, i will volunteer, not because my mum wants me to, but because i want to.

this year, i will learn sign language =D (i'm VERY taken by it)

this year, i will CONTROL MY TEMPER. (already, the devil is saying "as if")

and if i can't volunteer, i'm going to work.

yes, my boss/colleagues/customers happen to like me. =p if i had a chance why not? just hope i'm not too busy.

and my wishes:

that my mum finds a good job soon.
that me and my sis can keep our room/ study area tidy =p
that i can finish all my homework on time =p
that i can go to Germany =)
that my dad need not work so hard.
that ... well, i know what it is, so it doesn't really matter anymore...

so.

Happy New Year to all. May all your dreams and wishes be fulfilled this year =)

blank

2005-12-17T18:25:00.000+08:00

that's what i'm feeling now.

i lost an entire post which was carefully crafted out to tell about my meeting with gurmit singh, his wife and ueber adorable kids.

BLOODY BAH.

on top of that, my beloved Liverpool's third in the League, albeit with a game in hand, and man-bloody-utd is second. goal difference is 3. so we have to score 3 or more before we can be second.

Bloody Bah Squared.

I had to do photocopying, binding, yada, yada - for my family.

IDIOTS.

so tired now. =(

on somewhat better notes, Liverpool beat Some Other Team 3 goals to nothing, lengthening their record of clean sheets, establishing and strengthening their role as the Best Defence In The World and getting one step closer to BEING the Club Of The World.

That's heartening.

i got into my second choice for JCs, which is Arts SAJC. much better off than landis, who got into his 9TH choice, which happens to be the same as mine. i'm trying not to laugh..

AND...

okie, i must admit, i'm smiling now. duh it's happy news.

i'm getting a new phone for my birthday.

Z520i

HAHAHA

FINALLY!!!

=)

my mum wanted me to pay for it myself, until i reminded her as subtlely as i could that i needed the money to chong chong (pamper) myself, seeing that everyone seemed to have forgotten that my birthday came and passed.

=)

=)

=)

=)

=)

=)

=)

HAPPY, SHA LA LA, IT'S SO NICE TO BE HAPPY.

and i think i will go for signing lessons next year, my dad is right, knowing something is better than knowing nothing at all. =)

now if only i can find sponsors....

funny, isn't it?

2005-12-14T11:13:00.000+08:00

when i was cheonging for the Os, i had hell loads of time for blogging.

now, working only 8 hours a day, i get to sleep in, i get to go out and not rot at home, i get to sleep at unearthly hours for no reason, but i can't read as much, i can't blog as much, i can't enjoy life as much, i can't use the computer as much.

and did i mention thati couldn't make it for the Yew Tee RC song signing thing cos i had to work - not on the actual performance day, but ont the PRACTICE days.

shit.

and i can't go iceskating on wednesdays, cos my mum (surprise, surprise) is dragging me out for some religious stuff. bah.

DOUBLE BAH.

even if Scrooge were here, he would say BAH(,Humbug) with me too.

on a happier note, i would like to thank (who else) Liverpool for making me a little less unhappy during this holidays.

THEY ARE SECOND IN THE LEAGUE.

LET'S GIVE IT UP FOR THEM!!!

and if they win the World Club Championships... *swoons*

i do hope they'll come to Singapore. =)

addendum: i botched many photocopies of ICs, mainly because i'm still clueless on how to put both sides on the same page in one try. and also a lamination job. i salvaged it as best as i could though... =\

if and when...

2005-12-07T14:05:00.000+08:00

...you have a focus in life, then can you never suffer from post-majorexam boredom.

i love serving customers, i realised. even though i still don't know exactly where everything is, i'm more confident in going up to the customers to ask if they need help now. =) but i still hate faxing. and i still screw up in photocopying i/cs.

haha.

i guess i like the expat crowd better cos they generally have better manners/are more friendly/are less demanding/are nicer to me. to us. to all the workers in the store. it's forever so happy in there. sometimes, i catch myself smiling for nothing =)

or maybe it's because the mums bring all their cute little babies there. hehe.
***********************************************************************************

i'm off today and am resuming the packing of my study room and bedroom. mum has set an ultimatum: get it done by friday, or else she will do it for me. her packing is just take-and-throw, which doesn't sit too well with me. =(

there may be another song signing session on the 17th dec at Yew Tee (G?)RC in Choa Chu Kang. super far away, but at least i'll get to spend more time song signing. =)

anyone keen to take on sign language lessons with me next year? i know i can only do it for awhile, but it'll be fun anyway. =)

i am still having a lack of focus, albeit having a job. =( as like today, i can't think of what to do on my off days. =( so sad. and my mum is forcing me to change my work schedule for the 22nd so as to volunteer with her. apparently, i'm not volunteering enough. BAH. what the hell does she take the song signing sessions for!?

i don't really want to change the schedule!!! =( especially since my mum is FORCING me to, and not asking nicely like her friends =(

results of posting to JC, and of my SAT will be out mid-Decemeber!!!! super scared!

wish me luck, and point me in the right direction, if you know where to go =p

[sound bite: The Gift- winter snow is falling down/children laughing all around/ lights are turning on/ like a fairy tale come true. Sitting by the fire we made/you're the answer when i prayed/i would find someone/and baby i found you... ]

song signing =)

2005-12-04T18:05:00.000+08:00

camera's not working, so no pics =(

i had a super super super tiring but fun time at ngee ann city today, and guess what? i wasn't shopping =) i was song signing with some people from the deaf association. rather some volunteers with deaf association. the emcee got it wrong, saying that we were ~~students~~, ~~friends~~ (i mean yes la, we are sorta friends, but we don't have a membership card a la Friends of the Zoo, geddit?), ~~volunteers~~ and such... i don't mind really, we were too busy laughing at her.

the first song was truly nerve wrecking, cos Pet made us do some ridiculous pattern thing so it'll be beautiful. but it only served to make me more nervous than i already was, seeing that First Lady Nathan was sitting there in all her first lady glory.

i signed all - ALL MIND YOU ALL!!! - without a single mistake.

*smirks, glances around the room and smiles to the other signers*

they are truly brilliant, i mean all of the signers. i had so much fun, and when they're talking to people like Freddie, they'll speak out loud or translate so that i won't be left out. =)

after the first performance, we bo liao people started song signing every song in the CD. by the end of today, i must have increased my sign language vocab by at least two fold. we signed the 'normal' christmas songs and then, after serious boredom, started signing songs like Reach, Can't Fight the Moonlight, Sleeping Child usw.

i seriously seriously seriously had more fun than ever. and guess what? apparently some CC/RC person asked if we could perform on the 17th, presumably for some Xmas event. *grins* Pet says that i have a great memory, especially since i could communicate a little in sign language already. *grins*

i got to talk a lot - and i mean A LOT - with Celine, who's ueber nice, and i found out that she's from VJ!!! cool eh? she just completed her As and apparently is super free. she stays very very near my school, so she must be rich (groundless assumptions that i love making =)). we talked about everything from the signing to the Bazaar.

i really really really really really love sign language. it's such a (wonderfully) humbling experience at SADeaf. and it was really fun too.

don't try to sign in front of me, i know how to read what you're saying *winks*

p.s. i'm back to work again tomorrow =)

FIRST DAY AT WORK...

2005-12-02T11:21:00.000+08:00

...rocked, really. i told you that i'm not a nothing-to-do-but-it's-okay girl. i'm a gimme-something-to-do-or-i'll-just-grow-fatter girl.

haha.

but first: i read this ~~short story~~ excerpt entitled The Quickening, by Lisa Interollo. it's SOO me. i'm Lisa, X is Susan. if you know the story, good for you. if not, sorry. WAHAHA.

**************************************************************************************
so. yesterday was the first day at work. i went at like 9 instead of 10 cos my dad could send me on the way to (his) work.

i just realise it's very hard to maple, study for SAT (which is tomorrow!!!) and blog at the same time. after this post i'll go study. i have an appointment with SADeaf tonight and i have not even practiced!!!

i sat in macdonald's reading Intuition while whiling the time away. afterwards, i went up, and anthony came shortly after. anthony's the boss.

and he knocked his head on the grille when it was still going up (mechanically).

i resisted the urge to LAUGH. haha. so evil.

a supplier and some delivery guy was already there, even though i did not know it. as in i didn't know that they were supplier and delivery guys la.

then i was just standing here and there, getting in everyone's way (the place is quite small) and nearly dying of exasperation ("how am i going to survive!" yada yada...).

let's cut the whole thing short and say that by the end of the day, i knew where most of the things were, been ~~tortured~~ asked where things were by at least 10 customers who don't-seem-to-care-if-i'm-new-or-not-just-show-them-what-they-want-already, did stocktaking for mags and newspapers, did tagging for four/five different stuff, make everything as tidy as possible, learnt to photocopy, learnt to fax, learnt to laminate stuff, tried to find plastic bags from the mess behind the counter, tried not to die when this drunk german woman asked me to repeat myself for the 5th time on the uses of the moleskin diary, ogled at cute kids (there are so many babies!), called a supplier to check prices, picked up calls and kept repeating: boss not in call again later, helped to find gift tags to bai sui on the computer, complained about the gahmen with manjeet and kat (shortened from katherine, all in a day!), signed off invoices, grumbled at the number of papers to sign and chop, mis-photostated at least 2x and wonder if anthony is ever around.

*whew*

************************************************************************************

ARGH, MUST STUDY FOR SAT NOW. I WISH THE CANADIAN SCHOOLS WOULD STOP SENDING ME STUFF!!!

=p

[soundbite: It's Christmas - N Sync
I'm so glad you came my way,
from a million stars here you are...

Christmas Time - BSB
there is something special,
about this time of year,
a christmas feeling everywhere...

Joy to the World(!!) - unknown =p
joy to the world/the lord is come/let earth receive her king/let every heart/prepare him room/and heaven and nature sing/and heaven and nature sing/and heaven and heaven and nature sing.... =)

it's the holidays...

2005-11-29T17:50:00.000+08:00

nearly december... and i have no idea what to do with my very boring life.

but first, my life so far in point form:

i entered my JC choices. namely (in order) SAJC, AJC, NYJC, CJC, PJC, SRJC, YJC. before you even start on a tirade on my choices, i need to tell y'all that i did reasonably badly for prelims, so it's to a lousy JC for the first 3 months. =\
i volunteered for song signing to raise funds for CCA, children's charities association, which SADeaf is amongst. we're performing four songs, two in the morning, two in the afternoon. DUH Uniquely You is in. programme is morning 10+ : Uniquely You and Christmas Time especially for First Lady Nathan, Patron of SADeaf. 2+ : Joy to the World and It's Christmas. go figure out the location yourself. i'm not going to give you a chance to laugh at me =p
i am the only girl there who doesn't know sign language!!! there is this other guy though, but he's a fast learner. =( this deaf guy was trying to talk to me that day, and i had to SPELL out that i don't know sign language. he was really really amused. bleh.
i am cheong-ing for the SATs now, and i need a really really really more than brilliant grade to ensure that i can get a scholarship into a good Uni.
i am going to US only next September, so hold those tears!!!
as i'm typing, i'm missing out on my P6 class gathering. and that means only blind luck can let me and shawn see each other. possibly never. again. SO SAD. =(
i am also currently missing out on the class chalet at Arwana. because of bloody SATs. maybe i can go tomorrow? just for awhile? i dunno.
Prom (yesterday) was actually quite boring. i thought i enjoyed myself. until this morning, when i realised that i paid so much for nuts.but at least for once i had straight hair and neat brows =p
i am again pissed at the world, possibly because no one takes me seriously. or maybe it's because my mum keeps taking leave and screaming at me. i swear, the number of panic attacks i'm having now is like ten times more than i had during the Os.
i had a nightmare, believe it or not. and yes, it's about the Os. i dreamt that every time i went into the hall wanting to take the test, everyone already handed in their papers, and i was therefore barred from the exam. =(
i watched Zathura with Aunt Leanne and her supposed admirer, Daniel. both of course are ueber nice to me. we went to Chatterbox, where i was steadfastedly refusing food because it's so bloody expensive. and of course, eavesdropping and 'learning psychology' at the same time=p
the Sri Lanka trip was cancelled, so i'm going to be super bored during the december holidays.
then again, maybe not *winks*. i got a job at Tango Mango, this bookshop in Tanglin Mall. starting work soon!!!
i have NOT started ice skating or swimming, for mulititude of reasons.
i WILL start soon, as soon as i can. hopefully this year i can send out cards! and of course also practice fountain pen calligraphy =p
am trying to get aunt leanne to coax my mum into sponsoring korean lessons with her. heh.
have yet to plan for the entire holidays. one may say that planning ahead is pure stupidity, but if one lacks focus in life, one may tend to ~~get a earful from mum~~ be lazier and be unfocused when school starts.

so, there you have it. my life in really really really pointed forms. funny how during the Os, i'm so stressed out, have a million things to do, but can update more frequently than ever. therefore folks, really, plan ahead. no focus really = no life. =)

i confess myself...

2005-11-19T12:18:00.000+08:00

disappointed. about the movie. seriously.

it went by so fast, by the time you finish this sentence, it'll be just about as long as it took.

BAH.

as xiaxue said, everything was mixed up.

ARGH!!!! the beginning saw barty crouch jr. definitely NOT under the imperius curse. and of course we saw harry potter, who suddenly appeared in the Barrow.

then, he gets woken up to go for the Quidditch World Cup, which i was seriously looking forward to.

they reach the tents, which are gigantic inside.

they go for the match, without those wondrous binoculars of theirs.

they get stopped by lucius for dunno what.

winky never appeared with vertigo.

the sonorous charm was seriously stupid. especially since they were pointing the fricking wand to the sides of their throat. honestly, then why when dumbly-dore was talking at the maze, he could suddenly have wild hand actions and do without it?

dumbledore seemed like a demented old fool, what with mishandling poor Harry.

fleur was pretty, but not standoffish. krum was sullen (i.e. never smiled) and that was just that.

the dragons for the first task draw was cute though. really miniature and cute.

harry, the supposed fastest of all four champions to get the golden egg, manages to do so after dodging the dragon on foot, AND bringing the dragon around the school.

and naturally cedric and him are both standoffish towards each other instead of being awkward.

moaning mrytle had to flirt with harry. yurgh!

the mermaid, supposed to be on the WALL, not the WINDOW, was not playing about at all. she was just touching her hair.

they don't wade into the lake, they had to dive in.

Neville tells harry about gillyweed.

and gives some to him.

harry never fights any grindylows.

the people were floating in midwater, not tied to a rock as the book said.

cedric used his wand to cut the bonds, not a knife like i wanted it to be. bah.

krum bit of the rope, easily too, seeing how they were dangling in midwater. bah.

harry doesn't get to threaten the merpeople, not even waving his wand about. bah.

he goes up with the two, when suddenly attacked by octopus looking like thingamajigs. ?!!!

he does this stupid ascendio spell to get back to the platform, instead of wading up to shore with two people in tow in DRENCHED ROBES.

he was in bloody shorts. as in i hated the shorts part.

why was the putting of the hair into the pensieve like plucking a bit of your brain out!!?

why didn't krum and harry talk at all, and why the hell was crouch already dead?!

why was moody so moody towards harry?

what was with dumbly-dore going, people get lost in the maze and lose themselves too shit?!!

why did harry see krum face to face in the maze!!!

why did cedric and harry fight to thru the maze?!

why was harry pictured as deliberating between saving cedric and getting eternal glory?! he said he doesn't want eternal glory. and he is the hero sorts! he would save cedric in half a blink of the eye!!!

why was the maze forever closing in on them?!

why did cedric have the time to stand and ask who the hell wormtail and voldemort were?!

why was harry not tied to the gravestone?!

why did he not have to fight off the imperius curse?!

why did they not fly in the air when the prior incantatum occured?

ARGH!!!

why did sirius never appear!

oh ya! missed out my pet peeve! WHAT THE HELL WAS HERMIONE WEARING?! IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE PERIWINKLE BLUE. FLOATY MATERIAL. IT WAS FRICKING PINK!!!

*sigh*

the only redeeming points were:

the good graphics.

the brilliantly ugly merpeople.

the sceam like a banshee for the egg.

the miniature dragon.

the 'baby' voldemort.

HELL, lord voldemort himself.

nagini.

the ghosts flying out from voldemort's wand.

cedric being cute.

harry having abs. (the bath scene was: ~oolala!!)

fleur kissing ron. heh. and definitely ron's reaction!

the twins!!!

that's about it. bah.

my dad's quite upset he paid so much for a lousy show. really sorry man...but i didn't know!!! it looked good!

ooh...the funny thing was that auntie leanne was supposed to go with us, but her mum banned her. they're christians.

melissa went in her place. we were SOOOO sleepy after that.

************************************************************************************

i am sick.

as in seriously sick.

i started feeling sick from when there was the break between history and chem.

digression. i must let the world know how great my history teacher is. whatever he spotted came out!!! and not just the topics, but the specific aspects!!! what a genius!!! wahahaha. i may finally be able to pass my combined humanities.. =p

can you imagine, i was lethargic through an easy chem paper.

i was moaning (like mrytle) throughout paper 2.

and for the first time, i slept straight after i completed the paper. *sigh*

now i'm going back to mapling and lunch.

i want to get well soon! falling sick now seems to be the wrong time!

bah.

aiyo!!!!

2005-11-17T13:01:00.000+08:00

can the world stop bashing xiaxue up? whatever she says is whatever she says la. just ignore it if you don't like la.

there are opinions, and there are facts. i seriously get irritated when i see blogs that i like defaming xiaxue's, or anyone's blog for that matter. i mean, apart from kimberley cun's. she seems to like picking a fight with everyone on the blogosphere. first xiaxue, now minishorts. *sigh*

i hate it, cos of one thing. people seem to think that i am in love with hitler.

HELLO!? you guys were the ones who gave me this nickname. my primary school friends or other friends who know me better calls me HILLS. for god's sake!!! come on.

i only hope to be half the public speaker that he is.

speaking of which, i haven't started on history, which is tomorrow, so i'm more or less dead. must go now, be good, don't defame people!!!

because my tuition teacher is almost a half hour late...

2005-11-16T19:23:00.000+08:00

yes la, i'm having tuition in the dead of the night because i'm absolutely terrified that i will get a B for A maths. i used to get As without studying, so you can tell how much my standard has dropped. plus paper one wasn't a great morale booster. =(

today was horrible in general. i mean which day isn't? nowadays, when i surf other people's blogs, i find the ones by sec4s and i can almost guarantee that they have either an unupdated blog or a blog ranting on and on and on about the Os.

so, more on today:

nothing much with Geog, except that after being unsure about 10 questions, including the gradient one that i freaking got wrong because i forgot that the scale was in km, it was ok.

ok, 10 out of 40 questions is kind of bad. but usually, i tend to panic on questions that i get correct answers for. hopefully at least 35/40? i dunno. i got 33/40 for prelims. which is by my standard pretty bad. so at least 35, i'll cross my fingers. =)

then i smsed Aunt Leanne, and she couldn't make it for a midnight show too. as in so couldn't melissa and geok, cos they are going to dye their hairs and cut and what not, while i lounge about and bask in my afterexam glow. =D

i meant Harry Potter, by the way. which other movie is more catchable now?! other than Zorro. and Oliver Twist. AIYO. it's just one of the catchable ones la.

digression. my tuition teacher, caught in the rain, missed a bus, is eating downstairs now. =\ i have to hurry.

so. then melissa and i played golf (handphone) and talked about shaving baby heads. which reminds me. melissa shaved her head, or had her head shaved rather, when she was 1 month old. only after 2 years did it grow back. my mum said she shaved mine too, and it grew back in like, a month? and was super thick and nice. i love my hair *smiles*

then my mum came with ueber delicious char siew rice and we devoured it because we were so hungry. and mee jiang kueh/peanut pancake too. super nice. =)

physics was moderately difficult. compared to prelims it was fairly easy, but by it's own right it was hard. BAH. there goes the A i was hoping for =(

melissa and i were walking out of school and when we reached the bus stop i FREAKING REMEMBERED THAT I FORGOTTEN TO TAKE THE LEFTOVER MEE JIANG KUEH OUT OF THE CLASSROOM!!!

damn.

after we found no one to take it out of school, we took a cab back in to take it. unlike this horrifying incident in p5, i don't want maggots on food that i forgot to take home again. BAH.

then it started raining, how sweet.

my tuition teacher's still not here, but i'll go anyway. i have a hunch he's coming soon.

to another evening of horrible a maths. =( wish me luck.

COMICS COMICS AND MOVIES!!!

2005-11-14T13:07:00.000+08:00

THAT'S IT!

i'm going to Kino everyday just to read comics from after the Os onwards.

except on Dec 1st: me and wenxin are going to the Science Centre to chill out at the Star Wars Exhibition!! (maybe i can find a working camera by then =( )

any one who totally forgot my birthday can redeem themselves by treating me to a movie!!! lak is treating me to 2, so that's 2 down, (infinity - 2) to go!!!

=p

i'm going crazy. must be the lethal combination of A maths, Physics and my sis playing Maplestory (badly)

i shall restrain myself totally from talking about my love for gaming, even though i suck at it. =)

comics sa!!

2005-11-13T12:03:00.000+08:00

ok, the sa part was just to make it sound fun. =D

did i tell anybody how much i love photography and how much i really really really love comics?!

no?! so i shall tell you, even though it's a minute to midnight and i'm due in school at eight tomorrow for a history lecture. (i know no one reads it now that it's the Os, but who cares!)

firstly. comics. look here and here. i actually found them because i really enjoyed blasting robots from their game Gun Run. incidentally, they also created another favourite game - not as much as the kitty cannon one but still =) - Traps, Mines and Sheep. AND the comics that you should already seen are both so relevant now, especially since i'm fretting about A maths =(

Wow.

ANYWAYS!!!!!!!!! i love comics because they are under no category but comics. you can't call them art, you can't call them trash, you can't call them jokes. period. they are comics.

my favouritest of my favouritest has always been and shall forever be Foxtrot. I LOVE JASON!!! i think his nerdy image is so cute!!! and the fact he embraces it. gosh.

and of course, the ever ironic Non Sequitur. it's found in the papers daily, as is Foxtrot.

i occasionally like Baby Blues and Star Wars AND ZORRO OMG ANYONE WANTS TO WATCH ZORRO WITH ME?!

okay, i overreacted, but ZORRO ROCKS!!! hehe.

it's like a story, told in pictures. and the jokes! how can those geniuses of an artist squeeze everything into one little strip?!

and there is photography. life encaptured in pictures. a picture speaking tens of thousands of words. i love wedding photography especially, though i love photography in all sorts. i still want that rebel camera!!! any millionaire willing to sponsor?!

i gotta go sleep now. the screen seems to be moving. so is the world. and i haven't even been seated here for half an hour.

I WANT THE Os TO END...

2005-11-12T21:58:00.000+08:00

NOW!!!
.
.
.

because...
This holiday season, just Drop Everything and Read.
To help you along, the NLB is DOUBLING your loan limit from 1 Nov 05 to 31 Jan 06.

YES, regular members can borrow up to 8 items, and Premium members, up to 16 items. This includes the borrowing of audio-visual (AV) materials, capped up to a maximum of four AV items at any one time.

So, what are you waiting for? -from ramblinglibrarian.blogspot.com

OH MY GOSH!!!

i love books, i love borrowing from the library ~~and i love paying them fines for overdue books!~~!

i'm terrified of A maths now. seriously. i don't know why, but my maths have been hiding from me for a long time, especially for the past year. I NEED THAT A!!!

**********************************************************************************

i think i'm going to US next year. hopefully, then i can volunteer at SADeaf =p not even sure if i can, but i'll definitely try! i'm actually into community work, but i never found the time...so maybe i'll find some time next year?!

haha.

and i think Singapore should have JCs which are more specific in their PAE points. i have no idea where to go for the first three months. =(

wenxin told me today that RJC will be offering TSD next year. wow. if i can get 6 points, which i (duh) hope to get, i'll probably not go for VJ, even if their TSD is more experienced. it's so far! but i rather NJ, yes, i still rather NJ, 'cos the german is integrated into their curriculum. which means lesser time travelling to Bishan for german.

dang. i haven't even got the results and i'm already planning which JC to go to? what the hell.

***********************************************************************************

i love podcasts. especially those informative ones like The Secrets, or AP Psychology podcast. but i never realised that Singapore has good comedians like Mr. Brown and Mr. Miyagi and their gang.

they make me laugh. seriously. they just laugh and i'll laugh. damn.

they are bloody cool!!! they just talk about everything. and it's funny stuff.

which brings me to this Readers' Digest thing i've read a couple o' days back. Laughter helps to reduce the amount of stress hormones one has, so i'm laughing as much as i can.

damn it! they are talking about lord of the dance now! "it'll be funnier if they gave them hand actions."

ok ok. no digressions now. the AP Psychology thing is really interesting. last i was listening that guy was talking about memory and what they are (something like the brain getting used to the electrical signals sent the same way frequently).

damn the mrbrown show. i'm having a stomach ache already. they're currently talking slimming ads and how they have a "results may vary" line there. bleh.

**********************************************************************************

this is the coolest Yo-Yo show i've seen in ages!

haha.

i love watching people do stuff like that. they're so... absorbed in their art it's so cool!

which reminds me: people, please jio me out ice-skating!!! i'm sure i'm dragging siming and melissa there. not too sure about wenxin. i wanna go!!! bring me along!!! or allow me to drag you there!!!

hehe.

************************************************************************************

i need to go prom dress shopping! okay, maybe not a dress, more like a top.

i'm thinking of a top and my black pants? can't afford to spend much =p

anyways, i haven't paid for prom. can i still go?! don't have money though. )=

and I WANT THE Os TO END!!!

sleep...i need sleep...

2005-11-10T20:18:00.000+08:00

i swear i'm not getting enough sleep...

firstly, i must tell the whole world how happy i am with geog.

i never expected it to be so.... do-able.

really. and the inserts rock my socks! they were printed on glossy magazine/map like paper, and i seriously think that it was pleasantly surprising.

and the questions were so much simpler. no ???? like before. truly truly do-able.

i say do-able because i'm not too sure that i can score. my answering skills have been lacking substance recently. just say that i'm a little more confident now; i have a higher morale for the rest of the papers.

=) (i realised that turning it the other way would just serve to irritate me so why bother?)

***********************************************************************************

i was so tired after tuition and the paper and everything, i fell asleep.

at first it was only for like, half an hour? you know, the refreshing kind of nap kind of thing.

but i forgot what a refreshing nap was a long long time ago.

so i slept for nearly three hours, having many weird dreams along the way.

like how i was talking to a girl from CJ about neoprints on the Circle line, and she suddenly changed to an indian guy from dunno where.

man, i think dreams like that are weird.

and then i dreamt about my entire family making me the slave and strangling me when i couldn't finish ironing the clothes in a day.

wow. i must be so stressed.

so after that, i played a little games at Miniclip, to wake me up. i also did 2 topics' MCQ for physics.

then i left with my sister overly late to Changi Airport to fetch my maid. yes, i just returned...

**********************************************************************************

we ate macs there, and i noticed that they cost slightly more than a normal macs does. and that the service there was like ten times better, which i exclaimed out loud to the amusement of some Singaporeans nearby. =p

then we left to take a taxi home, and here i am. i promised myself that i would stop at eight fourty five, do an e math paper two. then maybe go to bed.

=) in case any of you forgot...tomorrow's my birthday! yes yes, an O level paper on my birthday hardly qualifies as fun...but it also means that tomorrow will mark the last week of torture for me!

**********************************************************************************

i love sleep. just hope the nightmares/weird dreams stop coming.

german...alone.

2005-11-08T16:58:00.000+08:00

shit la xinyi! she dumped me for the dunman people. *sob*

she had music in the morning, so stayed there to take the paper, while poor me went to the empty bare classroom to do the german paper. which was fairly easy, truth be told.

but with the other three papers, i'm not too sure about that A. *sobs*

the invigilator must be so bored. they kept closing the door, which the wind blew about. they kept pushing in the chairs.

two IT-ers walked in midway, to the fury of the invigilator. haha, yong liang, i thought you saw me sitting there doing a paper already. he strode in somemore... wahahaha.

i wanted to end early, but decided to keep checking.

**********************************************************************************

my auntie missed her flight from indonesia, so my sis is stuck with more housework. she'll be back come thursday though. back to more chappageti (this ueber delicious korean noodles) and mum nagging!

**********************************************************************************

this little bit if especially for my darling micha:

see, i told you i'm not nerdy!

first day and it sucks...

2005-11-08T00:18:00.000+08:00

...big time!

horrible, really.

i couldn't find a number pattern for e maths, though the paper was generally easy. i forgot how to do probability too. *oops!*

my mum bought lunch - chicken rice. treat for all the people working hard!

but SS sucked. seriously. then again, when did it not?! wahahaha...

had a horrible stomachache and migrane the night before, which made me totally insomaniac-ish.

same now, really. it's 12.23 am and i'm online looking at scholarships and blogs.

bleh. i can't find my german fys.

i can't sleep. i have to wake up early for History lecture tomorrow though.

i love LotR. seriously. i don't know how i can get through this trying time. but it's possibly this (=

i may be off in december to sri lanka to do some humanitarian stuff. i don't think there will be turtles left to save, so i think i may build houses.

then again, i may not be able to go; auntie leanne's asking this david-guy for me. and another one who went to save turtles.

i wanna go!!!

[soundbite - Always Love: Nada Surf]
your life is just a choice
but i never learn enough
to listen to the voice that told me
always love
hate will get you everytime...

the album's name is cool: The Weight Is A Gift.

studying? what bullshit.

2005-11-05T15:14:00.000+08:00

bullshit, studying is. i've taken to the very bad habit of reading - my favouritest book, no less - LoTR.

i love Samwise, it seems to me that without him, everything would have went wrong.

Frodo rocks too.

=D

an update

2005-11-04T10:36:00.000+08:00

cos my mum is pissing me off and many people have started going, "Can you please don't go?" *sad puppy look*

AWWWWWW

RMA's confusing me. seriously confounding me. i definitely clearly stated in the application that i wanted to go in as a 12th grader but they think otherwise. bah. and they still have not answered my questions. )=

my mum's getting more impressed with Houghton. and Ron, who's sort of the one communicating with us now.

he's calling tonight. i found out that Houghton does a IB course, but i can't qualify if i go in at 12th grade.

*scared*

************************************************************************************

when i grow up, i will get my mum a maid - hell, 10 maids if necessary - just so she doesn't do housework.

nice, moi?

unfortunately no. she gets super cranky and naggy-chatty when she does housework, and grumbles her day through. pissed with her, i told her so to, when she was in a better mood.

she didn't have any answers. \=

a little digression. i've changed my smiley (or not smiley) faces to face the other side now. no idea why. i occasionally love controllable changes

and she wanted to nag me to study that day and therefore chased me out of her bedroom, which was oh-so-comfortably-air-conned. bah.

she said she had work to do.

i walked out of the room, and before slamming the door, said," enjoy your soduko."

she didn't have any answers to that either.

*************************************************************************************

chinese O levels was okay... but i fear that i will be out of point for compo. that's really crucial now, cos it'll make or break my B. yes, i'm hoping for a B. but then again, the compo may drag me to a D. horrors

the invigilator was nice, he's from broadrick and super lame. he gave us two minutes more (but we ended two minutes earlier too q=) for paper 2. and he had lame comments like : "you'll very ? hor; if i got a pond in my school, my students will be inside swimming." that really really loosen up the tension. and he forgotten to collect aloy's paper. wahaha. his reaction was like: i missed you? oh dear...

German was a little tough, seeing that i couldn't remember any articles and any verbs and any nouns. )=

whew, relief though, that Aufsatz is over. leaving home soon to join Maggie at Macs to study and 'lax before the listening. q= (does it look like this? =p i can't flip it bah!)

***********************************************************************************

am looking at universities to enter, seeing that i'll probably have to start sending very late applications to the U(niversities).

1st choice: Stanford (duh!)
2nd choice: no idea.

why do i always do such things to myself. what if i can't get into Stanford? i've been there, actually. they have their own MALL. and their campus has 2 postal codes. how cool is that?!

anyways. any ideas on U?i have no idea absolutely what i'm going to do.

especially since there's an announcement on their website saying: deadline for freshmen application: 15 December.

DANG!

confused.

2005-11-02T16:00:00.000+08:00

i am seriously confused. i have no idea whatsoever if i am going overseas now. and it's the midst of my Os. it's not helping at all.

lost? let me drag you into my world...

my mum's super supportive of me going overseas. when i finally get used to the idea, both the school and she tells me that i may not be able to complete in a semester. she says that it's age discrimination (not her words, but that's the gist) and they say it's just impossible.

i dunno who to believe.

so now, we're both really confused over what to do. should i stay here for a year for JC first, or should i not go at all.

*ARGH*

stupid stupid stupid.

anyways. i've decided that if i can't finish in a year, i'm straight back to high school hunting to find one nearer to Standford and Auntie Tracy and Onkel Patrick. and i'll probably not target for NJ: I'll target VJ. the theatre studies programme's just too delicious to ignore. =)

**********************************************************************************

so.

there's this show called Project Runway (who's site i refuse to go to in case i can't stand temptation and look ahead of time) that i'm absolutely crazy over.

did i tell you i love fashion designing?

i even got a catalogue from this fashion school in US to see the courses they offered.

that was until i woke up and realised that i can't draw.

okay, i can, but not that well. =
so i'm just stuck with critiqing every single piece of fashion that comes my way. heh.

why can't i dress well? cos i a) don't spend money on clothes, seriously or b) have something desirable which costs a gazillion bucks. boo. =( but fashion's fun. and brutal.

heh.

anyways!!!!

fashion rocks. and i promised myself that if i ever intended to go to Prom, i'll want to do my own dress myself. yep. ambitious, but i know it'll be a hell of a time. =)

**********************************************************************************

i'm really really really tired of the Os. and strangely, i don't want to study. take yesterday for example, i went out with Simin, and after one Paper 1 and some SS and some Geog, we both started chatting in Coffee Bean.

i won't do that on Thursday. i'll swear on my LoTR series. =p

**********************************************************************************

i'm hooked on two kinds of music recently. i mean other than my darling *podcasts*. country, as in hardcore country, and soft/classic/slow rock. dang, i forgot dance tracks. but i seldom manage to find good dance tracks anyway, so it doesn' t really count =)

some of my favourite songs here. =)

Whiskey Lullabye - Brad Paisley
She put him out like the burning end of a midnight cigarette.
She broke his heart: He spent his whole life trying to forget.
We watched him drink his pain away, a little at a time,
But he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind,
Until the night:

He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger.
And finally drank away her memory.
Life is short, but this time it was bigger,
Than the strength he had to get up off his knees.
We found him with his face down in the pillow,
With a note that said: "I'll love her till I die."
And when we buried him beneath the willow,
The angels sang a whiskey lullabye.

The rumors flew but nobody knew how much she blamed herself.
For years and years, she tried to hide the whiskey on her breath.
She finally drank her pain away, a little at a time,
But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind.
Until the night:

She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger.
And finally drank away his memory.
Life is short, but this time it was bigger,
Than the strength she had to get up off her knees.
We found her with her face down in the pillow,
Clinging to his picture for dear life.
We laid her next to him beneath the willow,
While the angels sang a whiskey lullabye.

Hole In My Soul - Aerosmith - Nine Lives

I'm down a one way street
With a one night stand
With a one track mind
Out in no man's land
The punishment sometimes
Don't seem to fit the crime

Yeah there's a hole in my soul
But one thing I've learned
For every love letter written
There's another one burned
So you tell me how it's gonna be this time

Is it over?
Is it over?
'Cause I'm blowin' out the flame

Take a walk outside your mind
Tell me how it feels to be
The one who turns
The knife inside of me

Take a look and you will find
There's nothing there, girl
Yeah I swear, I'm telling you, girl yeah 'cause

(Chorus)
There's a Hole In My Soul
That's been killing me forever
It's a place where a garden never grows
There's a Hole In My Soul
Yeah, I should have known better
'Cause your love's like a thorn without a rose
Yeah, yeah

I'm as dry as a seven year drought
I got dust for tears
Yeah I'm all tapped out
Sometimes I feel broken and can't get fixed

I know there's been all kinds of shoes
Underneath your bed
Now I sleep with my boots on
But you're still in my head
And something tells me this time
I'm down to my last licks

'Cause if it's over
Then it's over
And it's driving me insane

Take a walk outside your mind
Tell me how it feels to be
The one who turns
The knife inside of me
Take a look and you will find
There's nothing there, girl, yeah, I swear
I'm telling you girl yeah 'cause

(Chorus)

Yeah, is it over?
Yeah, it's over
And I'm blowing out the flame

Take a walk outside your mind
Tell me how it feels to be
The one who turns
The knife inside of me
Take a look and you will find
There's nothing there, girl, yeah, I swear
I'm telling you girl yeah 'cause

Cryin' - Aerosmith - Big Ones

There was a time
When I was so broken hearted
Love wasn't much of a friend of mine
The tables have turned, yeah
'Cause me and them ways have parted
That kind of love was the killin' kind

All I want is someone I can't resist
I know all I need to know by the way that I got kissed

I was cryin' when I met you
Now I'm tryin to forget you
Your love is sweet misery
I was cryin' just to get you
Now I'm dyin' 'cause I let you
Do what you do - down on me

Now there's not even breathin' room
Between pleasure and pain
Yeah you cry when we're makin love
Must be one and the same
It's down on me
Yeah, I got to tell you one thing
It's been on my mind
Girl I gotta say
We're partners in crime
You got that certain something
What you give to me
Takes my breath away
Now the word out on the street
Is the devil's in your kiss
If our love goes up in flames
It's a fire I can't resist

I was cryin' when I met you
Now I'm tryin to forget you
Your love is sweet misery
I was cryin' just to get you
Now I'm dyin' 'cause I let you
Do what you do to me

'Cause what you got inside
Ain't where your love should stay
Yeah, our love, sweet love, ain't love
'Till you give your heart away

I was cryin' when I met you
Now I'm tryin to forget you
Your love is sweet misery
I was cryin' just to get you
Now I'm dyin' just to let you
Do what you do what you do down to me, baby, baby, baby

(Harmonica interlude *swoons*)

I was cryin' when I met you
Now I'm tryin to forget you
Your love is sweet misery
I was cryin' just to get you
Now I'm dyin' 'cause I let you
Do what you do down to, down to, down to, down to

I was cryin' when I met you
Now I'm tryin to forget you
Love is sweet
I was cryin' when I met you

I'll Be There For You - Bon Jovi - Cross Road

I guess this time you're really leaving
I heard your suitcase say goodbye
And as my broken heart lies bleeding
You say true love in suicide

You say you're cried a thousand rivers
And now you're swimming for the shore
You left me drowning in my tears
And you won't save me anymore

Now i'm praying to god you'll give me one more chance, girl

I'll be there for you
These five words i swear to you
When you breathe i want to be the air for you
I'll be there for you
I'd live and i'd die for you
Steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can't say what a love can do
I'll be there for you

I know you know we're had some good times
How they have their own hiding place
I can promise you tomorrow
But i can't buy back yesterday

And baby you know my hands are dirty
But i wanted to be your valentine

I'll be the water when you get thirsty, baby
When you get drink, i'll be the wine

I'll be there for you
These five words i swear to you
When you breathe i want to be the air for you
I'll be there for you
I'd live and i'd die for you
Steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can't say what a love can do
I'll be there for you

And i wan't there when you were happy
I wasn't there when you were down
I didn't mean to miss your birthday, baby
I wish i'd seen you blow those candles out

I'll be there for you
These five words i swear to you
When you breathe i want to be the air for you
I'll be there for you
I'd live and i'd die for you
Steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can't say what a love can do
I'll be there for you

Always - Bon Jovi - Greatest Hits With a Twist

This romeo is bleeding
But you can't see his blood
It's nothing but some feelings
That this old dog kicked up

It's been raining since you left me
Now I'm drowning in the flood
You see I've always been a fighter
But without you I give up
Now I can't sing a love song
Like the way it's meant to be
Well, I guess I'm not that good anymore
But baby, that's just me

And I will love you, baby - Always
And I'll be there forever and a day - Always
I'll be there till the stars don't shine
Till the heavens burst and
The words don't rhyme
And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind
And I'll love you - Always

Now your pictures that you left behind
Are just memories of a different life
Some that made us laugh, some that made us cry
One that made you have to say goodbye
What I'd give to run my fingers through your hair
To touch your lips, to hold you near
When you say your prayers try to understand
I've made mistakes, I'm just a man

When he holds you close, when he pulls you near
When he says the words you've been needing to hear
I'll wish I was him 'cause those words are mine
To say to you till the end of time

Yeah, I will love you baby - Always
And I'll be there forever and a day - Always

If you told me to cry for you
I could
If you told me to die for you
I would
Take a look at my face
There's no price I won't pay
To say these words to you
Well, there ain't no luck
In these loaded dice
But baby if you give me just one more try
We can pack up our old dreams
And our old lives
We'll find a place where the sun still shines

And I will love you, baby - Always
And I'll be there forever and a day - Always
I'll be there till the stars don't shine
Till the heavens burst and
The words don't rhyme
And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind
And I'll love you - Always

If - Bread

If a picture paints a thousand words,
Then why can't i paint you?
The words will never show the you i've come to know.
If a face could launch a thousand ships,
Then where am i to go?
There's no one home but you,
You're all that's left me too.
And when my love for life is running dry,
You come and pour yourself on me.

If a man could be two places at one time,
I'd be with you.
Tomorrow and today, beside you all the way.
If the world should stop revolving spinning slowly down to die,
I'd spend the end with you.
And when the world was through,
Then one by one the stars would all go out,
Then you and i would simply fly away

Streets Of London - Ralph McTell

Have you seen the old man, in the closed-down market
Kicking up the papers, with his worn-out shoes?
In his eyes you see no pride, hands held loosely by his side
Yesterday's papers, telling yesterday's news

So how can you tell me, you're lonely
And say for you the sun won't shine?
Let me take you by the hand,
And lead you through the streets of london
I'll show you something, to make you change your mind

Have you seen the old girl, who walks the streets of london
Dirt in her hair, and her clothes in rags?
She's no time for talking, she just keeps right on walking
Carrying her home, in two carrier bags

So how can you tell me, you're lonely

And say for you the sun won't shine?
Let me take you by the hand,
And lead you through the streets of london
I'll show you something, to make you change your mind

In the all-night cafe, at a quarter past eleven
Same old man sitting there, on his own
Looking at the world, over the rim of his tea-cup
Each day lasts an hour, then he wanders home alone

So how can you tell me, you're lonely
And say for you the sun won't shine?
Let me take you by the hand,
And lead you through the streets of london
I'll show you something, to make you change your mind

I'll show you something, to make you change your mind

**********************************************************************************

sorry for so many lyrics. as peyton says, i'm a lyric person. i'ld interpret the hell out of the lyrics once i get them. you just gotta love good lyrics.

there were so many more that i wanted to put, but it's a little irritating for music people to just read the lyrics. =p

gotta go do work now. =)

*soundbites will be added nowadays on whim =)*
[soundbite - First Cut is the Deepest: Sheryl Crow]
i would have given you all of my heart
but there''s someone who's torn it apart
and he's taking just all that i have
if you wanna try to love again
baby i try to love again but i know
the first cut is the deepest

good luck..

2005-10-30T18:55:00.000+08:00

to you, to you and to you! love all O level-ers now. you just gotta. they are mugging mugging mugging so hard...bah!

************************************************************************************

i just counted the credits/units i have to do/must do in US, and they may be right: i may not be able to complete by June. =\ at which, my mum says that i'll do a year in JC and then go over. WHAT!?

so i'm doing my best tomorrow night to convince a Col Delaney that i can complete all that i need by June. i'll work extra hard! i promise!

eine Abwechslung fuer mich, schade?

i'm accepted...

2005-10-26T22:36:00.000+08:00

at least by some people. wahahaha.

yes yes, i am accepted into RMA.

woot? i dunno. really.

i dunno if i really want to go but as i told xinyi, i am glad for the chance cos i think i'll do badly for Os.

i'm too stressed-up.

but i'll give it my all =)

but there's still that interview with Houghton... =\

i heart podcasts

2005-10-26T22:35:00.000+08:00

totally away from those angsty and depressing posts about killing oneself and *gasp* the Os.

i *heart* podcasts.

i mean, i love them, seriously i do.

for the ~~ignorant~~ people who don't know what podcasts are, podcasts are similar to pre-recorded radio shows and the topics may range anywhere from music to one's normal boring life.

i *heart* podcasts.

they are available free from iTunes, even though they are erroneously placed under the Music Store section (of iTunes). most podcasts are free, only some insane people who either a) produce brilliant podcasts and use money to produce such brilliant broadcasts or b) just want money, will charge for the podcasts.

it's a radio show on the road, without the exorbitant FM iTrip to accompany. note: i have no idea why it's iTrip. maybe because it trips people?! wahahaha. you can suscribe to all podcasts, meaning that once you go online, the computer will help you download the latest episode (episodes if you miss any) for your listening pleasures.

=)

i'm a keen subscriber of The Secrets: The Podcast for Writers, Peyton's Podcast (one episode only, so far... *sobs*) and (this one's funny) Hier Spricht Berlin.

The Secrets is a podcast by Michael A. Stackpole on writing novels. Not that it'll really help me now, but some writing techniques he shared are definitely applicable to writing. His voice is darn soothing! you just gotta love it. he should be a history teacher. =p

Peyton's Podcast sounds like a podcast by an angsty teenager named (duh!) Peyton. but it's - i think - just a publicity ploy for One Tree Hill. *grins* there's only been one episode so far, and there are none for Lucas, Nathan, Haley or Brooke. what a waste. they rock! i hope they have more podcasts from the One Tree Hill cast!

Hier Spricht Berlin has gotta be the funniest (weirdest) podcast ever. this guy (sounds really computerised but is not - trust me) announces that it's the Hier Spricht Berlin podcast: "Achtung! Achtung! Hier Spricht Berlin!" and then proclaims (you'll think of this verb seriously) the topic for the podcast. occasionally they'll speak more about the topic. then, it starts to play disco like music. the end. and get this: the podcaster's pseudonym is gspotwagner. WAHAHAHAHAHA. so weird. hearing gspotwagner on my iPod...

=)

i have two more podcast suscribes, but i have not listened to them yet. they're on psychology. i'm searching desperately for the NASA ones, so i don't have to read those emails anymore. =)

i guess i love podcasts because sometimes i just get so tired of listening to only songs on the bus and i miss a human voice so much/ i miss the radio so much that i switch to the Podcasts playlist in my iPod and i'll laugh at ~~the people who think i'm crazy cos i'm laughing at~~ the podcaster's ridiculous comments ~~or at Hier Spricht Berlin, i mean GSPOTWAGNER!~~.

go get your podcasts today! and if i really go to the States, you can stock up on those iTunes giftcards for me =)

and...

since my birthday is coming, grab a passer-by and pool up money for some really super duper nice thoughtful interesting wonderful expensive presents. =p

titrate one raindrop into another...

2005-10-25T20:30:00.000+08:00

that's all i was thinking about during the bus ride home. whoever came up with the phrase it never rain, it pours is absolutely right. stupid cumuloninbus clouds.

side track: wenxin's crazy. why must she always be right? or rather why must i always be wrong? she can be as bad as junhao when she's like that. i don't even want to argue with her.

so. i bought curry chicken from Ol' Chang Kee to eat at home, because it's delicious and it's spicy, which always cheers me up. I PLAYED GAMES*shudders with sin* until my sis demanded to use the comp.

then, i fell asleep.

I've been doing that fairly frequently recently. just plonk on my bed and sleep. whoever came up with the phrase bone-tired must have experienced it before too: that's what i'm feeling. tired to the bone.

i left the air-conned room with my sis, who was playing and chatting online. until my mum came home. our conversation went something like this :

(she enters my bedroom, sees me alternate between lying on my bed and sitting up right)
Mum: (switches on light)
me: NO!
Mum: (tirns off light) why did you on the aircon? the weather's so cool?
me: cos i needed air?
Mum: ok...and you come upstairs to SLEEP?
me: i'm tired la, can't i rest a little?
Mum: then turn off the air-con first!
me: isn't kim using?
Mum: she use for what?
me: ... (goes back to sleep)
Mum: ...how was your exam?
me: ok...
.
.(mum left)
.
me: (looks up) that's all she's asking?

bwahahahaa. what motherly affection.

************************************************************************************

i think wenxin's too much sometimes. let me put her in some bad light...

situation #1:

Liverpool drew 0-0 with Chelsea at the Champions League Group round. Consequently, they got trashed 4-1 at home.

she decided to irk me by asking what i thought of the trashing.

me: ok lor... very amusing but it could have been prevented. anyway it's no biggie.
her: you just don't want to admit you're wrong!
me: (er...wrong about what?) huh? wrong about what? it could have been prevented what. and since it's a epl match, it's seriously no biggie. they would have lost anyway.
her: wrong about the club. you're seriously biased. just admit that you're wrong!
me: (what's there to admit?) if i even support a club it more or less suggests that i'm biased. and i'm not wrong. if you want soccer talk i can give it to you...
her: you're wrong la. all my guy friends who watch the match said liverpool sucked.
me: i didn't say they didn't suck what. they did. but the last two goals could have been prevented. (getting pissed)
her: they just suck.
me: they subbed out all save two defenders in the final round. all the football experts of Britain and Singapore agree that they played well in the second half but were in no condition to defend. if you want your perspective, have it.
her: wow, now i have perspective huh.
me: i don't want to argue with you.
her: ya, go argue with xinyi. i'm sure she lets you make mistakes.
me: (pissed that she dragged my dear friend in) xinyi and i don't talk soccer. we argue about more meaningful stuff. and you started the topic anyway. don't give me that crap.

at this point, i gave up returning her smses.

can you imagine! someone who a) didn't watch the match b) don't know nuts about soccer c) always want to be in the right, fighting with me over my favourite club's major league clash?! hello!? wake up. i know every single shot on target (and off target) of that game. she doesn't even know what's an offside.

so. i just ignored that and thereafter, stopped talking to her everytime "liverpool" or "soccer" came up.

situation #2

she's always late. so i decided that she needed to know what waiting's like. i was late ~4 times. she was late >4 times for at least 3 hours each time.

she started leaving her house only when i was leaving, even though we both had an agreed time to meet.

fine

so i stated leaving later and later, which didn't seem to bother her.

then why the hell does she want me to be the earlier one? why can't SHE wait? this is plain diva attitude. bah!

(if you think the late issue is small, it is really. but she keeps blowing it up every time we met until i stated going to the library with lixian instead.)

situation #3

today's. fresh from the oven.

after pract, we were all at the locker discussing the answers with more laughs than frowns, with hanming bouncing up and down claiming his rightful position as chem god. it was the Al, Zn thingy. no one could decided.

i put Aluminium or Zinc? as the tiny words in my MSN nick.

here's the convo between me and her: (btw if it's lame, it's just because i love doing that to her =p)
...
her: and the thing is, the level is so divided. tons of aluminium and tons of zinc. so whatever. perhaps they will accept both. after all, they give room for experimental errors.
me: AHAHAHA
her: what's so funny?
me: everyone was arguing with everyone today. (my first reaction was shit: her arguing is debate arguing)
her: i mean it.
her: that's dumb la. it's just practical. (oh, and that's her attitude. cos her chem's good, she need not study. that doesn't mean I don't need to study what.)
me: until one of the head people (mrs cheng to y'all) came down to chase us off.
me: and we were just playing la.
her: i hate it when people make a big fuss and insist on arguing over nothing. retarded. (my first reaction: huh? we were making a big fuss?)
me: ?
me: it was just playing.
me: we don't killeachother-argue.
her: wow... sounds fun.
her: as in.
her: whats so fun about that.
me: we teaseeachother-argue.
me: it is what [fun]
her: what a strange concept of fun.
her: seriously that's kind of childish (my first reaction: she got it the wrong way again.)
me: er... you have to participate [in the discussion] to find it fun
her: it's childish
her: like, really.
me: childish then don't take part la.
me: no one said you had to be part of it.
her: urh, i won't even take part in such a thing? no one's asking me to take part. haha. just admit it's childish. (my first reaction: what's childish? i was furrowing my brows at the comp until i realised she meant the whole DISCUSSION)
me: it isn't la. (pissed at her for not even understanding)
her: wow yeah it's FUN
me: (you want to play sarcasm issit?! fine!) you weren't there how do you know.
her: (after a long pause) it's stupid. it's just childish. teasing-arguing. i'm not sure how you guys can tease about aluminium and zinc. what a great material for a fun time.

at that point, i finally realised she totally misunderstood my explaination and seeing that i can't explain well i didn't reply to her childish message.

point is, if she wasn't there, how can she find it childish? and if she isn't having as fun a discussion as we have in cchms, don't need to be jealous and say that ours is childish what. that's even more childish then saying that liverpool sucks when all she knows is Michael Owen (who incidentally is in Newcastle now).

to all the cchms people who DON'T know what i meant by teasingarguing, i mean that we aren't screaming at each other saying the other is wrong, and we aren't fretting away like: die le, die le. it's zinc not aluminium... it's more like hanming's teasing: i'm good, wahahaha, i'm good.

and yes, han ming is truly good.

Ou De Yang and a super long essay

2005-10-23T22:01:00.000+08:00

just heard ou de yang on the tv. as in the real, live performance for some charity thing thing. not bad really. he's really really good. except that he strains a little on the high notes. sounds better in real life than on the cds.

i just did a super long essay for mrs p. i think i'm not doing enough. will study some chem pract before bed. have a horrible ache in the right side of my neck.

who's my p6 classmates again?

2005-10-23T21:26:00.000+08:00

shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit.

i can only remember some of them.

shawn's going to switzerland next year to study. and he wants a meeting-up first.

I CAN'T REMEMBER ALL THEIR NAMES.

SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT.

edited 10:00pm 23 Oct 2005. DON'T GIVE ME GRIEF LA. i can't remember their names but i can remember their faces. some people like jonathan-mogutou i can never forget. WAHAHAHAHAHA.

bah!

2005-10-22T11:35:00.000+08:00

houghton's been asking for an interview. why hasn't the teacher recommendations reached the schools yet?! and they're suggesting a half year in grade11 before continuing with grade 12. i don't know what to do. bah!

studying until i feel like dying recently. i keep turning on the air-con at home until my mum complains that the electricity bill is running up =\ i'm soooo not prepared for the Os. how how how how how?!!!

can i ever stop regretting?!

correction:

can i ever stop procastinating?!

a normal post

2005-10-19T19:37:00.000+08:00

after days of stupid worries and anxieties, a normal post warrants. =)

i think i'm slacking too much ; i was online for the whole day!!! studied lotsa physical geog and some history. maybe doing chem tys later tonight. after i've ____ Engel der Nacht. =)

i love myself. i love my friends. i love soccer. i love german. i love my family. i'ld love a change. i may be getting one soon.

don't miss me =p

i want to be more than me

2005-10-18T20:12:00.000+08:00

i've forever dreamt of being so much. so much.
an astronaut, a teacher, a doctor, a lawyer, a marine biologist, a geologist, a pyschologist, a fashion designer, and so much so much more.

can i?

after that very - shall i say encouraging - email, i'm thinking about life here and there.

will i ever find a job i will truly like? what if i grow up to lead one of those lives i've always had nightmares about? what if i'll never be somebody (to me) in life?

i'm young! why must i worry about stuff like that??

i should be worrying about whether i'll get that A1. i should be wondering if i have enough money for that movie. i should be wondering what excuse i should give my mum for reaching home late.

i don't want to grow up. who knows the way to Never Never Land? Or at least an hour at Aerosmith/Bon Jovi/Evanescence's live concert?

2005-10-18T20:09:00.000+08:00

From sideworld.blogspot.com:
First Important Lesson - Cleaning Lady...

During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions until I read the last one:
"What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"
Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her name? I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade.
"Absolutely," said the professor. "In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say hello." I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.

Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain...

One night, at 11:30 p.m., an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rainstorm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car. A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960s. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab. She seemed t o be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A special note was attached..

It read:

"Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away... God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others."
Sincerely,
Mrs. Nat King Cole.

Third Important Lesson - Always remember those who serve...

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him.
"How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked.
"Fifty cents," replied the waitress. The little boy pulled is hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it.
"Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired. By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient.
"Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied. The little boy again counted his coins.
"I'll have the plain ice cream," he said. The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, was one quarter, two dimes and five pennies. You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.

Fourth Important Lesson. - The obstacle in Our Path...

In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way. Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand! Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.

Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When it Counts...

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare and serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister. I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, "Yes I'll do it if it will save her." As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheek. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away". Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her.

Most importantly: "Work like you don't need the money, sing like no one is listening, love like you've never been hurt, and dance like you do when nobody's watching."

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away"

"The risk takers might not live long, but the cautious never live at all"

i love stories like these. it reminds me that life is just a TAD too hectic and that i have to loosen up and love.

am i going?

2005-10-18T19:51:00.000+08:00

Hello,
... 2. I obviously cannot speak for the Admissions Committee, but after reviewing Hilary's folder, I believe she is definitely a student we would admit.
...

am i going? i dunno

i feel like crying

2005-10-16T22:53:00.000+08:00

i really really really feel like crying and i have no idea why.

but i read the little book which had the messages that my friends wrote in, and i don't feel so bad.

i love fhm.

i love 2ly03

i love my friends, even though i know more than one talks bad behind my back. i'm too mentally strained to care.

i love my teachers, even though they think i'm just a lousy loud mouth who is way too outspoken for them.

i love my family, even though they ain't as understanding as they think.

i love myself, the sane part of me, for not giving up on the insane part of me all these years, even though it has been hard on me.

i love myself for surviving those panic attacks and suicidal thoughts and murderous thoughts.

i love myself for being a nosey loudmouth rather than an introverted toot.

i love myself for staying strong.

and despite loving myself, i hate myself.

controversies, what more can you expect?

graduation day.

2005-10-15T18:13:00.000+08:00

it's graduation day. let's list the horrible stuff that happened; stuff that drives me on the brink of depression and suicide. yes i know it's tiny stuff that i should just IGNORE but i can't. my nerves are overly frayed from all that studying. it's not a good excuse but i seriously AM DYING JUST LEAVE ME ALONE IF YOU DISAGREE WITH ME!

i slept at 12:27 a.m. this morning, cutting all the cards up for the graduation day presents. my fingers were swollen, my eyes were glued shut, my brain was telling me to jump off Compass Rose. (where's that? do you know? =p)
i had to wake up at 6:45a.m. cos i wanted to go to school with sis to do the cards. turns out half the expected audience wanted that too. so much for a surprise. and we had to take a taxi in cos sis was late and it was all my fault for not being able to find a black rubber band, which ended up with micha anyways.
i had to write the cards with all my friends scrutinising me. wth. talk about kick up the leaves and the magic is lost. they came, they saw, they commented. enough said.
i had to lug about a whole bagful of chocs andPocky. i bought all these by clearing the stock at the seven eleven at toapayoh yesterday. bloody hell.
i felt sick while giving out the cards, as in vomit-sick. dunno why.
my camera was spoilt so i had to borrow my sister's friend's. and it had only 60mb. which is equivilant to less than 10 photos. how nice.
i had to sit at the staircase writing on Pocky boxes little notes of appreciation to my teachers cos i was stupid enough to forget to bring the other cards.
if there was moderation, it did not affect me.
i am officially jc-less. i mean, good jc-less. which is really sad cos my ultimate schooling life in singapore was to get into Njc. bah.
while thinking that my luck was a bit better, i decided to leave my paper bags on the floor. some idiot, seriously idiot, took all my m&m minis. and not my wallet. as a result meine liebe freundin didn't recieve any. =(
lak decided not to go vjc, and i had to go around asking before nilnil and micha said they were going.
i didn't go for nj's open house cos no one wanted to go with me, all whom i knew left before i even left vj.
i couldn't study, i couldn't concentrate. in short, i was a zombie, and i think it was because of my results.
i have not heard from the american schools. and i don't really want to go to canada.

bah.

**********************************************************************************

since this is the last day of my secondary education, let's talk about schools.

my first official school was Marymount Kindergarten. i love that place. it was a nice place on the hill and since i was still staying with my godma, i took the school bus to school.

i love school buses. =)

i still remember the climbing of the hill to go for chinese lessons. i still remember the frangipani flowers i picked off the ground, and how the teachers were so panicky they made me wash my hands many times over.

i still remember laughing like a hysteric with my then-best-friend over a simple joke: "when the bus stops..." "you mean the busstop?" "no! when the bus stops..." "hahahahaha...when the busstop what?" "hahahahaha" "hahahahahaha"

makes me feel like singing the song: those were the days my friend/we thought they'd never end/we'd sing and dance forever and a day/we'd live the life we choose/we'd fight and never lose/for we were young and sure to have our way...

that said, kindergarten came and ended a little sooner than i wished for, and whilst i was crying on the eve of graduation performance, (i was this india dancer in a really really sexy costume. no i do not have pics. =p ) primary school happened.

i still remember the first day i had lessons. mdm yap came to talk to my class; she wasn't even form teacher. i had the classroom straight beside the pond, the one where there were little dunno-what-you-call-it flowers where we'ld drink the little nectar it held and throw the petals onto the pond's surface to see it float away.

drifting away...

i remembered the tang shi that chen keng juan xiao zhang made us memorise. i remember the countless ccas i joined. i remember mrs teo, mrs sew, mr leon, mr koh and so many more teachers. i remember how happy liang lao shi (my p1 chinese and form teacher) was when i saw her in sec 1 and remembered her, even if she did forget me.

i remember the performances i gave with dance club. i was the front row dancer, aka one of the three best dancers for this lame dance that i can somehow remember. that was for the school's 65th anniversary. i remember that i also was in brownies and had all the fun until darrine and crystal and ena decided that they wanted to grow up and be suckers (to teachers). how funny is it that mrs teo still calls me her darling girl??

i remember the countless times i walked around the school with my erhu senior - i played the cello - wanling just talking, and how she'ld make me feel loved for even that little while. i remember the lame jokes mr boo cracked during practice and all the happy times with the gang at the CC practicing together on sundays.

i remember the times when i marilyn and i planned suicide attempts, together or alone, in p5. i remember the times when we'ld joke about running away from home together, and visit the zoo or something. i remember the times when i'ld tease her about the multitudes of guys who liked her. i remember noviani and joo hiang didn't get along. i remember that benjamin (the jerk) was a jerk. and benjamin (the nice one) was lame.

i remember the times when i planned birthday parties unannounced to my family, and they'ld panic and prepare everything anyway. i remember they got lesser with the years as people thought them to be childish, even if they did have a special yearning for them. how fast we grow up.

i remember how i went back to school and the relief i felt when i saw paper clips attached to my result slip - that meant that i was in special stream. i remember how it was okay for good friends to tease each other without hurting one another.

but then, secondary school happened.

these four years were probably the most memorable yet, and also the most painful in my life.

i realised that people weren't as open as those in primary school. they based expectations on results. they didn't do that in the past...

i remembered the little conflicts we had in lower sec. i remember the many cliques and the many quarrels. i remember the home economics lessons and the d&t sucker mrs yeo. i remember ms nani and mr mus and ms ismail and how they left one by one. i remember mr lee and the outsiders.

i remembered the zhong zhen jing shen jiang - champs then runners-up plus the cleanest classroom award. i remembered the good friends that seemed to suddenly pop up everywhere, and for awhile, everything was okay.

but streaming came, and i went to HM.

it was probably one of the best and worst things in my life.

i love my class, my classmates, the one big clique we call fhm. i love the closeness we seem to have now, with the boundaries of each clique just melding into one eternal circle. i love the fact that we can be part of any group and be comfortable and have fun. i love the fact that we can all go back to class and call it our little haven away from school.

i'll remember fondly the times we fought, the times we laughed, the times we cried together. i'll remember forever the times when teachers misunderstand us and we'ld just shoulder everything together. i'll remember the times we spent together.

i love fhm. i love pcps. i love marymount. but why is it that life seemed better when i was younger?

*****************************************************************************

i've been depressed lately and i'm really worried i'll break before the Os arrive. i really really really want to do well, want to get to NJ (yes even though there's a high chance of going to the States).

i want to find a place where i can act.

performing arts have always been my point of venting. it's gone now, and i need it back.

i used to have speech and drama. i used to have CO, my cello and the piano. i used to have dance. i used to have theatre, until EDS took it away from me. don't get me wrong, i love them there, just a little, but they completely ruined theatre. the strict, yet wonderful, the expressive, yet tedious theatre. they took away the openness i had. they took away my acting skills. they made me hate theatre, which was something i had never dreamed off.

loving the people, and loving the art is different.

i need the acting back. why have all my friends been from the acting scene? it's because we all share the unspoken knowledge of the theatre. it's okay to be honest. it's okay to be harsh. it's okay to share, and the cry and to scream your lungs out. everything will be fine in the end. friends like ashley, maggie, wanling etc. they knew what acting was. hypocrisy was passe.

it's gone.

i need my sanity back. i need to skate, to feel freedom on ice. i need to play the cello, and hear the breeze singing as it flies past me, while i savour the melody i produce. i need to dance to modern tracks to chinese dance. i need to feel the energy being channeled into the arts.

but where?

2005-10-09T21:46:00.000+08:00

Bent double, like old beggars under sacks,
Knock-kneed, coughing like hags, we cursed through sludge,
Till on the haunting flares we turned our backs
And towards our distant rest began to trudge.
Men marched asleep. Many had lost their boots
But limped on, blood-shod. All went lame; all blind;
Drunk with fatigue; deaf even to the hoots
Of disappointed shells that dropped behind.

GAS! Gas! Quick, boys!-- An ecstasy of fumbling,
Fitting the clumsy helmets just in time;
But someone still was yelling out and stumbling
And floundering like a man in fire or lime.--
Dim, through the misty panes and thick green light
As under a green sea, I saw him drowning.

In all my dreams, before my helpless sight,
He plunges at me, guttering, choking, drowning.

If in some smothering dreams you too could pace
Behind the wagon that we flung him in,
And watch the white eyes writhing in his face,
His hanging face, like a devil's sick of sin;
If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood
Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs,
Obscene as cancer, bitter as the cud
Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues,--
My friend, you would not tell with such high zest
To children ardent for some desperate glory,
The old Lie: Dulce et decorum est
Pro patria mori.

i'm sorry if you're not in a poetry/depressed/history mood. i wasn't too. until this poem, that is...

it's so...it's just so... depressing. i keep visualising everything. i hope all the dictators get reincarnated to shitty lives.

*********************************************************************************

i think i'm getting so little studying done. there are only 21 or 22 more freaky days till the Os. wish me luck and lethargicness.

stress levels at an all time high

2005-10-07T20:50:00.000+08:00

...and my friends, family and whoever else ain't helping. =(

i know something's wrong when i try doing geography, my absolute favourite subject after story books, and start crying.

yes, it's that bad.

add on to that the fact that my parents love playing what they call little jokes on me. i can't take that stress they're throwing at me. i'm dying, seriously.

they claimed that they were going to grad day, just to see me get something on stage. what the fuck. i mean seriously. that came from people who thought that the MOE sent wrong letters to me when i got some sort of merit award.

what the fuck is their problem? can't they just leave me alone for 25 more days?!

bah! humbug.

i just dumped my work, lixian and everything else aside to make myself a hot cup of Milo with five pieces of biscuits to indulge in. =) food and poems never fail to make me happier.

and this said, i have to get back to studying. =( it ain't helping that half of the work the teachers have given are still untouched.

i screwed up my o level german os.

2005-10-06T18:09:00.000+08:00

wtf. the passage was as usual okay. with so many years of acting, i'll be doomed if i can't inject a tiny bit of expression into a passage even if it's in german.

the conversation, however, was a totally different matter.

i think it was the laughing that unnerved me. never had i ever examiners who were treating it as a proper conversation. as in me-you-talking conversation. BAH! i hope that is the norm, and that my ability to make them laugh with lame but true answers would gain marks.

i'm killing frau oestlund when i see her.

i suddenly feel as though there is very little time for preparation. (my eyeball's twitching in a funny way. as in eyeball, not lid. that's why it's funny. as in now, and it's a digression.) i've not done much math and definitely no science, history or social studies yet.

shit, i'm really really dead.

and my mum sent the applications. and i'm worrying if they'll say yes or no. not that i'll slack off though. i'm still treating now as though i'm aiming for NJ, (still am) and doing my best to study.

but the oral yesterday was demoralising.

*******************************************************************************

what's the problem with Frau Heng and her students? she's nice, but ONLY to her students, and that really doesn't sit well with me, cos she's a teacher, and should be helping any student who goes to her for help.

but no, she doesn't. and she evades questions. and evicts people.

bah! humbug.

and her students, (ha! xinyi, i know you're reading this, no offense meant, but i'm truly pissed) all refused to help. bah. in the end, maggie gave up asking for external help and the very reluctant xinyi need not email her.

finalised marks? then what is moderation for? and those i approached got As, so they wouldn't understand the pain of getting one point less to the next grade. if 0.1% means an upward rounding, i'ld get A2. i need it la. fuck.

so, i'm back to studying now. i love resources and industries. =\

2005-10-03T22:13:00.000+08:00

staring at the bowl
heads in my hands
my thoughts wonder aimlessly
laughing is sad.

sadness and sent forms

2005-10-03T21:55:00.000+08:00

it's official (i think). i got 16 points for L1R5. i'm saying it now, even though i don't know if the school will add one more mark to my german paper, seeing as they are pretty powerless in that area. if they do, i'll get 15.

i'm panicking about the forms. i haven't sent them to the schools yet, but i'm super scared that i will not be accepted. weird huh. whatever, really.

i'm worrying that i'm not studying hard enough. i'm worrying that i'll just scrape 20 for the Os. i'm worrying that i will waste my time on unnecessary stuff. i'm worrying that i'm not thinking in german even tho the Os' oral is the day after next.

i'm worrying about my life.

i've been having weird dreams about me breaking down on public transport back home and frankly speaking, it freaks me out.

bah! i'll take anything now. bring it on.

Soccer mania

2005-10-02T23:57:00.000+08:00

what's it about soccer that keeps me awake at unearthly hours, affect my mood to no end, and help me build lasting friendships with guys i would never have even talked to? i don't know.

i've said it before and will not hesitate to do so again. i don't know why i let 22 men and 1 ball affect my feelings. =
oh...i forgot the managers. make that 24 men.

ah, soccer. it never fails to delight. of course a boring 0-0 scoreline a la thursday is rued by all fans around the world. but it helps show who has good taste (liverpudlians) and who supports the winners (people like bear!). okay la, they don't. but hey, that's what soccer's about! friendly fighting!

not like the Italians of course. they get a little too emotional. heh.

ah, soccer...the game that makes me sulk when my team loses, glow with happiness when they win, and of course chatter non-stop over the next few days when things like ISTANBUL happens.

ah, soccer...the game that inspires me to do my best in my studies. and the same game that makes my studies unbearable knowing that my team just lost an away game. (i'm talking like that cos we're 3-1 down past half time AT HOME. oh, the shame!)

oh god... the horrors. imagine losing to a team like CHELSEA. not that it's chelsea's fault. all the fault lies with Jose Mourinho. the special one. my ass.

anyway, back to the topic.

soccer is the game that produces talents like Raul, Lampard, Gerrard and RIISE.

i'm more in love with Riise than any one else. that's even when i have Gerrard's photo in my wallet.

it's because (and even though everyone else disagrees) Riise is a genius. he's pure genius.

absolute genius.

and of course i love seeing his abs. that's why. =) everytime he scores, he strips...well, most of the time anyway.

normal-er shots of riise. i like this one. i loved the white jersey.

him with the ball, looking like a genius. (again, my perspective)

ooh...he scored a goal, he's gonna strip!!! keep your eyes peeled...

woot! he's damn cute everytime he scores. he'll just dive down like above pictured. topless of course.

or if he's super happy, he'll jump up in midair... showing off his wonderful abs in the process.

ok...i'll admit. i'm doing this to remind myself that even if liverpool loses like shit, like they are now (4-1 down. fuck fuck fuckity fuck), it doesn't matter cos they're the King of the Kop.

they're the ones who came back 3-0 down at Istanbul.
they're the ones giving me enough inspiration to pack my study room in such a way that i'll actually study.

Inspirational? of course they are.

and now, let me go cry myself to sleep, knowing that i'll probably wake up to a horrible scoreline...

what's wrong with me?

2005-10-02T00:44:00.000+08:00

urgh. i'm pissed with myself over my results. correction, disgusted is more like it. i'm disgusted with myself for handling my friendship with X with hypocrisy, but in my defence, she's playing the game, so shall i. more about that later...

i'm disgusted with myself for not being myself.

i got unfortunately 18 points for L1R5. not really confirmed, it's the worse-case scenario. i'm an optimistic pessimist anyway, so it's cool with me.

i passed the forms to Mr. Kuek, Mrs P and Chen Lao Shi that day. they will send it on Monday. i haven't even gotten my application ready. =\ it's like do or die now. i really hope to get into RMA. maybe if i go overseas, i can start my life anew...

i'm fine with X, really. but it's her more-than-frequent bouts of selfishness and insensitivity that really really irks me. let's have another BOO! for X. bah!

i have no idea why she's demanding. i have no idea why she wants to continue with ladendieb. really. i gave it up, why can't she? for me it was a momentary hobby and stress reliever, easy come, easy go. but i have no clue what it means for her. stress reliever? what stress? acting cool? i already am cool! what does it mean? i figured after supermarkt u she'll be freaked and will stop. she's freak, hell yeah, but it sure as Mars doesn't make her stop.

i've stopped.

i'm nostalgic nowadays, i guess. i've never been more motivated to study in my life. and today (or yesterday rather) will be the last day i'll go to town to study. i can, but it's far too noisy. and wenxin craves too much attention, much more than i can give. i've told that i've stopped but there were no comments. i told her that i can only study at the library, and there were comments a plenty.

and she wants me to accompany her to Jurong to fix her Zen Micro. get a life. i'm not waking up at eight in the morning just to go fix your Zen Micro after an hour's train ride there and back again. not especially since you didn't ask nicely.

i'm ice-skating next Wednesday, or next next. i don't care if people go with me. i need the relaxation i can get. don't give me the crap about O levels. if you want to see me crumble before you, go ahead; but i shan't let myself.

i need to start doing yoga, i need to start doing ice skating.

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have i told you the story about my depression?

what depression, you may ask? you're one lame person la, how can you be depressed?

ask marilyn. my primary school best friend.

p5, me and lyn plotted everything from running away from home to suicide.

p5, we agreed, that on our 13th birthday we'll give ourselves the kick of our lives and camp out at each other's house for a night. just to give our parents a fright. for your info, it never happened, and never will...

p5, the year i started displaying symptoms of depression.

it's funny, even i think so. my depression has always been mild, and i think that it mainly stems from myself. i think i pressurise myself too hard, mostly because of the high expectations of my family.

i used to think i could do it, but then again, that was before secondary school happened.

i look back and i want to hammer myself for illtreating me.

what a sad life i lead. it's kind of funny that my acting skills have dropped over the years, as in theatrically. but in reality, i'm keeping up the act so well that even i freak myself out.

ha, talk about irony.

who'll pull the mask off me?
i plead with thee!
see me not at face value,
love me not for who i can be.
look underneath,
and see me.

bah!

*******************************************************************************

my mum's got a K750i. i'm super duper jealous. she indulges in a new phone, while i'm stuck with my laotu one. bleargh!

i love her phone. i know how to use all the buttons!

i love going online when it's night. it's quiet, no one's fighting for bandwidth with me, and basically i have the world to myself.

peace.

peace.
seldom gotten, forever sought.
whyever do people fight?
why are we so inconsiderate, when
all we want is people to be considerate to us?

absurdity.

let's boo the insensitivity in the house!

2005-09-27T20:52:00.000+08:00

BOO! to my mum.

i hate it when people are insensitive.

i love Akanksha. thanks for making me feel loved =)

i need to practice for German oral next week.

i need to relax a little more and take my results less seriously.

i need to start my poem-writing spree again. maybe i'll try rhyming poems this time. modern ones see me lapse into depression.

i should finish my applications to the schools ASAP, even though i know Houghton will take me 'cos they have so little people. i'm kinda torn between the two schools though. if only southwestern academy wasn't so expensive...*sigh*

i want to go back to Australia, turn off the one spot light on the farm and lean back and stare at the stars until my neck wants to break.

i need to see something more than the three stars in can see in Singapore. for god's sake, Mars is getting brighter again.

i wonder why my mum has not commented on my specatacles.

i want to get less than 15 for L1R5, even though i know it's impossible.

i will be happy tomorrow, no matter what results i get back.

i will go ice skating next week even if it kills my pocket money and i can't watch cinderella man.

i need more bubble-soap.

i want to finish the pile of story books on my table, even though i know i should be studying for the Os now.

i want to read trashy novels again. those with deep meanings are usually depressing.

i want someone to pull me out of my current stupor and false front. why the hell am i still acting?

i want to stop dreaming that someone in my family, regardless of me, is going to die.

i want to stop having to defend for friends on both sides of me. i'm not a fence, dammit!

i want to engulf so many comics, i can't help but feel happy.

i want to stop wanting to eat KFC. =\ i know, but suddenly the desire's there, outta nowhere.

i want to stop worrying if i will ever get a job i enjoy in the future.

i love Wednesdays, as according to Brandon, it's free skate rental and unlimited skating time day.

i usually love Tuesdays, as according to my horoscope it is my lucky day. but not today.

i want to stop wanting stuff. or starting sentences with " i want..."

i should be starting to study for the Os now. there are only thirty four days left.

i am proud for once to say that i've finally thoroughly given up shoplifting. =) sunday made me think it through.

i don't know about my friendship with X. how can i help her? how can i make her a little more tactful? why is she so typical?

i dream of making it big in future. in all the fields i want to be in.

i need to go now, cos Beyond the Axis of Truth is showing. =)

one-and-twenty

2005-09-27T20:29:00.000+08:00

"When I was one-and-twenty," number XIII from A Shropshire Lad.
by A. E. Housman

When I was one-and-twenty
I heard a wise man say,
"Give crowns and pounds and guineas
But not your heart away;
Give pearls away and rubies
But keep your fancy free."
But I was one-and-twenty,
No use to talk to me.

When I was one-and-twenty
I heard him say again,
"The heart out of the bosom
Was never given in vain;
'Tis paid with sighs-a-plenty
And sold for endless rue."
And I am two-and-twenty,
And oh, 'tis true, 'tis true.

it's one of my favourite poems. rhymes. whatever. =)

darn that german and being polite

2005-09-22T21:35:00.000+08:00

i can't get one mark. they've sent the scores to the school. damn darn.

******************************************************************************

i'm super NOT confident about my prelims' marks. i really think i'll do badly. don't tell me never mind, there's still the prelims. it sucks. makes my eczema flare up even more. STRESS SUCKS!

******************************************************************************

i went out yesterday to 'celebrate' yenlin's birthday. we went out to Plaza Singapura's Cafe Cartel. me, willema (i think), lixian and of course yenlin went. we took A LOT OF BREAD. i think i've perfected my cafe-cartel-bread cutting skills. we ate soo much bread!

i ate some set meal that was really filling. yen had this chicken thing that was even more filling. me and lixian had the same, wilbur had this hawaiin chop thingy. i had the most fun in days. after eating, and talking, and trying to finish the bread, we went around to window shop (for like 5 minutes) and wilbur saoxing and went home.

therefore, me lixian and yenlin made good use of money and time and took neoprints! i love taking neoprints with friends i barely have time to catch up with. and of course mich. she coerces me into it, i swear promise!

me and lixian went spectacles hunting after awhile. i bought this pair of specs which makes me look more booky and smart at $38. i should have added the multi-colour coat, cos the reflections at night from the street lamps are horrible. and lixian wasn't a real help in choosing (NAUGHTY GIRL!) she was more busy seeing if the specs suited her BAH!

we went to the library, where i read a little geog, lots of comics, then headed off to collect my specs.

***********************************************************************************

my mum thinks i'm crude, so i'm trying to cut down on all the tamades, walaus, waliews, and damns. *sigh* the trouble i take to be a ladylike tomboy. bleargh!

prelims are over, lalalalalala

2005-09-22T15:46:00.000+08:00

hahahahahaha! prelims are over!!! woot!

sorry, just overjoyed that they are over, and the pressure is a little off us. =)

now to go to german to find that frigging one mark to up a grade. =\

exams and demoralisation

2005-09-19T21:48:00.000+08:00

demoralising. i realised finally why i hate exams. its demoralising.

chinese sucked. hell, every exam sucked. i solemnly promise to work hard after the prelims for my Os, never mind what i get. hopefully.

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on a brighter note (i'm not supposed to be online, so it'll be short and irrelevant), i found this webby! i love one tree hill. i'll love whoever who buys me season two one tree hill FOREVER!

pretty please? spoilers just ain't enough.

can you see my sidebar?

2005-09-17T23:43:00.000+08:00

i can't see my side bar and am panicking like crazy. be nice and post in the comments below if you can see it. =) please, thank you! i just need to determine if my sidebar is really gone or if my dad's computer is crazy. thanks.

remember! comments below! if you can see my sidebar and post in the flash-tagbox it's pointless as i can't see it. thanks a million! =)

writing again.

2005-09-16T19:09:00.000+08:00

i need to learn to write again.

i realise that writing is the best way for me to pour out my feelings, seeing as no one would sit down long enough to hear me whine on endlessly about my feelings, or shut up long enough for me to even get one word across.

i need to learn to write again.

i used to write beautiful (at least to me =p) poetry. it was filled with wonder at the world, and excitement at knowing new stuff, harvesting new knowledge. now i can't. i write depressing stuff (once again, my perspective) like this:

A rage,
Cooling down.
Another side of me,
I cry and talk to myself.

after i wrote that i ask myself to be a lit student and analyse it. but i couldn't. all i see is forlorn, depress. that makes me ever more depressed.

i wrote this too:

I'm November rain,
German fruit salad(=p) that never goes bad,
a swimmer drowning,
a fool in love,
an optimist despairing,
but i still love rainy days.

I'm November rain,
the girl who will wait forever,
the happiness forever late,
i bring life to others.
i kill,
in pure desperation and loneliness.

i liked it, to a certain extent. i mean, i did write it after all =p but it just shows that i have something metally wrong. as dunno-who once said, "all children are born poets, and a poet's a child."

how true.

i've caught myself saying many times, this year especially, that i never want to grow up. it's not Peter Pan's influence, but i want to find my never never land. you lose perspective growing up. you lose your patience, your temper, your mind, your sense of humour, your love.

kids bring comfort because of their overflowing love. it is somehow lost, over the years. perhaps its the innocence. johnnycade innocence. ponyboy innocence. i don't know.

i need to learn to write again. beautifully, stressfree.

only then, will i ever know i'm alright.

for now, depressing poems will have to suffice.

prelims and going wordmad, poemcrazy

2005-09-14T22:18:00.000+08:00

ha. prelims are finally hitting us with all force of Krakatoa exploding. just a short (i hope) update on the woes of exams. let me whine in peace, please.

*************************************************************************************

chronologically:

Monday, i had emaths1 and Social Studies. e maths was super tedious, and in this way, tough. not hard, mind you. tough. there were 25 questions *gasp!* the school sure tries its very best to kill us on the first paper, so as ghosts returning we may find the other papers easier. or maybe they're overly concerned about the muscles in our arms, and insist on training it up before the exams start proper (for us, and you know what i mean!)

SS sucked, as usual. but guess what? i panicked a little too early, and therefore finished the paper 30 seconds before markuek said to put our pens down. *woot* first time i finished early!

whatever. i swear i'll burn the textbook after the Os, if my sister didn't have to use it. =(

Tuesday, i predicted that the paper was to be easy. wtf. it was soooo... unexpected, shall i say. thanks to the english department though, for letting me have the chance to revise China's history while doing my paper. done a great service, you have. *grr*

as i said, time and again, i read through the textbook. not studied. there's a slight difference, cos studying is in detail, reading is in through one brain, out through the other. =\ i blanked out. fuck fuck fuckity fuck. i love history LA. how can i blank out.

hmph.

so i put my crapping power to good use and crapped out whatever i could think of. hell, i said that leap-frogging strategy was only possible because the americans used island-hopping in the first place. talk about blatent biasity.

so tuesday's papers are gone. just when i thought my essay was passable. bleargh.

today's was worse. the a maths paper screwed the school up, except for overly smart people like...like... no examples to quote, so fill in your names/relevant names yourself.

boo.

i headed to cineleisure to meet wenxin for lunch. i proceeded to study (initial thought) but somehow my hand landed on a book titled poemcrazy.

i think i'm still maintaining this blog after so long because i love to play with words. i love to see the way words fit around each other, and somehow bring a whole new light to a situation. of course i still love singlish la! somethings you just cannot do without.

back to poemcrazy. it's a book by Susan G. Wooldridge, on poems. i think it's really inspiring (me to write poems, that is...) i used to write poems all the time when i was in primary school. shocking, yeh, i know. but i somehow lost my touch (and thereafter flair) for writing. maybe schoolwork got in the way. but i'm going to be a responsible citizen and not blame gahment for it.

so. i wrote three poems within 15 minutes, and after the a maths paper and losing my specs (more on that later), i was so mentally drained that i fell asleep. at yoshinoya. for half an hour. yes i know i'm supposed to be studying. =)

i later found my specs missing when i wanted to look at the menu to buy a drink. shit. i can't believe i lost it. i have absolutely no idea how. =( i check EVERYTIME i stand up from the bus, the train, the WHEREVER. and i swore i brought it out of school. fuck fuck fuckity fuck those specs were ex and relatively new. i'm dead. i the coward of course didn't tell my parents. yet. i am hoping (very unsucessfully, judging by my spendings today...) to save money, or use my current funds to buy a pair of specs, before debriefing. but i have absolutely no time to go down to yishun to get it. HOW??? YOU TELL ME HOW?

i'm really truly dead.

i don't need my specs for the prelims, but i need them for debriefing. damn.

ok. back to story. went off to somerset mrt to see if control station got anything, and met wenxin on the way. she was a little pissed i think (sorry, can't tell, couldn't see), but was sympathetic when i told her why. and everytime she goes see, i can just go: but i can't! muahahaha.

we ate at n.y.d.c. not bad, but damn ex. this was my last expensive meal of the year. confirm. I NEED THOSE SPECS! we scurried around taking (a look) at this and that (clothings) and i dragged her off to the mrt so i can rush home for tuition, just in time.

chem rocks. i love chem. but whether i can score, that's another issue...

*********************************************************************************

i don't want to go take my german results. seriously. lixian's right, i shouldn't let potentially good or bad grades affect my mood. i'll take it next thursday instead, so i can cry (in happiness or despair) all i want. =)

so much for the short post. haha.

oh ya. thanks to trevor (link below) for correcting my mistake *blush* heh. edited already!

wish me luck for my upcoming exams and potential road accidents (can't SEE!)

the RED EYE, sadistic flash games and ht sx...

2005-09-11T18:17:00.000+08:00

i BET the last one caught your eye~! i read on this blog that people actually use, on search engines, asterixes to replace vowels. thus many users actually insert such use of asterix to, shall we say, seduce more readers.

HA! you must be one of them! don't feign innocence!

teehee.

edit 14/9/05:oops, seems like i got it wrong. it's the other way round! they insert the asterix so they don't get too many hits. which makes me wonder how many hits they get in the first place....
***********************************************************************************

out of teenage angst and high-strungness, i completely forgot to mention that i went out with Mich to see Red Eye!

Wes Craven's newest psycological thriller Red Eye stars Rachel McAdams, and whoever that guy is. i'm a sucker for horror movies and animations. give me any, and i'll say it's good. that's why i LOVE Wes Craven. He wrote/directed/produced/had-some-part-in horror movies like The Nightmare on Elm Street, Scream 1, 2 and 3 et cetera.

Red Eye rocks (see, i told you so). i loved the way Craven wrote the script to let Lisa slowly realise that Jackson was not as nice as he seemed to be. and i LOVED the little girl, Rebecca. seems like kids know the best!

And of course, i loved the stunts, and the fighting, and the stab-him-in-the-neck-with-a-frankenstein-pen part. how cool is that!?

2 movies in a week, after a long haul of abstinence? sweet

not as sweet as the fact that cinderella man is coming out. omg. russell crowe, the bad-tempered Esel, my screen idol along with Hugh Grant; Renee Zellweger, thought by me as one of the best actresses alongside Julia Roberts and Sandra Bullock and of course Hilary Swank!

two of them in one show? i was never near hyperventilating as much as when i heard that clint eastwood and hilary swank were in the same movie, aka Million Dollar Baby, one of my favourites too. and note, both of them are boxing related, as micha would not-so-kindly point out. *pouts*

i wish i had a scanner, then i would be able to show you guys the ridiculous neoprints me and micha took. seems to me that everytime i go out with her i spend money on unnecessary stuff like neoprints and neoprints.

me and mich went for a KFC meal, and then to walk walk in Taka/Ngee Ann City. we went to kino, and we both browsed alot. i love german books!!! then, en route to the MRT station, micha caught sight of the ZARA shop, and *ping* before i even knew it, she's dragged me in.

=)

of course we browsed. micha kept trying on clothes, as usual ;) , and i went about trying to find the right sizes for her without the help of the stupid sales assisstants.

BLOODY ASSHOLES. NEXT TIME WHEN I'M RICH AND WEALTHY AS A TAI-TAI I'LL NEVER EVER WALK INTO ZARA!

it took me ages to even catch one sales assisstant's eye.

it took me all my tolerance not to scream at her. gosh. i was already standing in front of her, ready to ask my question, when she looked away, and tried to look for someone else. fine.

i went :excuse me: like 20 times (literally) before she even gave me a fleeting glance, and i had to raise my voice 3x louder before she even heard me. bah! even then, after acknowledging my existence, she swiped, YES SWIPED the shirt i was holding in my hands and walked off.

idiot.

i just about dragged micha out of the shop. so i lounged about outside the changing room, trying to spot that rude woman and see if there are size M for the shirt. i gave up, and went back to micha.

btw, the changing room has chairs inside, so i can sit outside (of the inside) and wait while micha tries on clothes

micha was wearing a new shirt, quite pretty. =) we gave up somemore, and micha clung onto the shirts 'cos she had a good intention of buying it. unable to spot the rude woman, we went to other saleswomen in the shop to ask, and they said don't have anymore oredi.

fine.

so we went to search for the shirt ourselves, persistent singaporean shoppers. we found the shirt! in my mind, i wanted to go look for all three lousy saleswomen to tell them I FOUND THE SHIRT, WHY CAN'T YOU? micha tricked me into this dress which looked like a nightgown when i wore it. not to mention other unmentionable stuff down the front. bah! MICHA NEARLY TOOK A PICTURE OF ME IN THE CHANGING ROOM! PERV!!!

after more rounds of trying, micha decided to buy three shirts, and tada! became $70+ poorer.

and she went back to change that pretty brown shirt from an M to a S. ha!

after the whole shopping thing, we went to get Gelato, my favourite ice-cream after Haagen Dazs. we sat outside watching lion dance while finishing it up. not bad, but the people fell down. ouch.

after that day, i can also safely proclaim that PM Lee has to do something about the service industry fast. don't they know that locals need to be treated properly too? much less the younger generation? we are the ones with spending money kay!? talk about age discrimination. =|

***********************************************************************************

i've taken to using sadistic flash games on ebaumsworld to relieve stress. not good. really not good.

i've blasted up kitties (i don't even dare to post the link lest people like XY come look for me and demand that i adopt cats to repent for my sins).

i've thrown stickmen in the air and see (in satisfaction) them squelching and releasing extraordinarily high amounts of blood onto the ground.

i've ran school buses over little kids (and their teachers). apparently they were "my" bullies.

i've played hangman russian roulette style.

i've...i've...i've...can't remember liao. go find them yourselves la. there are tonnes of them everywhere.

real bad.

now if i would just study....

where have my SS book gone?

2005-09-11T18:10:00.000+08:00

i can't find my sec 3 SS textbook, which i swear is in my house, and i can't find my school-used history textbook.

oh god.

not on the EVE of the exams?!

thank god tammy gave me this SS study guide when she graduated. helps a great deal! thanks tammy!

and me and geok are super confused over the printing mistake in our sec 4 textbook.

are there two chapters for looking ahead? or one only? (ans: two. i've checked with the practice book)

gosh.

must go study now. more updates after the prelims i hope. i'm turning my back (literally) on the computer now. musn't get addicted.

bah!

high strung and online learning

2005-09-09T17:00:00.000+08:00

i'm high strung now. even my maths tuition teacher thought that something was wrong with me.

well, then again, none of his students laugh high-pitched in a funny way after realising that they did their RV wrongly by a tiny mistake...

scary.

i hate being high strung. i tend to hurt alot of people when i scream at them. =\ but i can't exactly help it.

thanks to anonymous, i'm here again blogging. when i should be studying. excuses, excuses, i know, but hey! 'tis a good avenue for screaming my heart out! =)

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~~as a good excuse to use the com~~ so as to let me relax while studying, i'm trying my best to stay away from throwing stickmen into the air or letting evil little jap men steal my cursor or trying to escape from rooms when it's near impossible, and try to study my geog online.

disastrous, i tell you. people who know me knows that i live to game in this world. be it handphones, computer, hand-held, board...you know i love them. even CS, even if i don't play it often enough to be familiar with the controls and be good.

bah! online learning ~~sucks~~ rocks, and trying to stare at the screen for hours on end ~~hurts my eyes like shit and threatens to give me myopia on top of my astig~~ is actually fine. endurance test, you know.

******************************************************************************

have i mentioned that i ~~don't mind~~ want to go to US to study? my mum has been giving me hell over that, because i spend too much time online ~~playing games~~ trying to study, but don't send emails bordering on me begging them for a spot in their school.

i did, honestly, but they never reply.

i've given up on getting a place in Worcester, seeing as they NEVER REPLIED TO MY EMAIL, and i bet my ~~car~~ ~~condo~~ ~~career~~ ~~credit card~~ progress report that out of the 3 schools that i emailed last night, only 1 will reply.

come on. don't want me in your school? at least have the courtesy to say no. i can deal with rejection. i'm not some flimsy little piece of paper 'kay!

and i love singapore. stop saying that i'm a quitter! i'm probably more patriotic than you are. i said many times that i really really really wouldn't mind JC life (i.c. only N/VJC. don't even think about the rest!) stressful, yeah, but hey! i've been living in a stresspool for the past 6 years at least! what's another two more!?

bah! humbugs!

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i love blog surfing, have i told you so?

not those kiddy/i-refuse-to-grow-up/WriTTEnLikEThIStyPE/super singapolean singlish! type. those meaningful, wordy, witty type.

there are many to list. too many, in fact.

and it was through blog surfing that i found this site.

i am thoroughly shocked. it predicted Hurricane Katrina in such detail that i thought it was written after August 29th this year. Except that it was written in October 2004.

that gives much food for thought.

why don't people just listen? i've noticed, through history and events like Katrina, that these horrible disasters, man-made or natural, effects could have been kept to a minimum. but no one LISTENS.

like pearl harbour. it was a sunday, and no general wanted to be disturbed by potentially fake news of kamikaze pilots.

like 9/11. they KNEW for godsake. and even though i applaud the Bush administration for handling it remarkably well, it could have been avoided. seriously.

like the tsunami last year in India. post-holiday? officials deserve to rest! of course you can't disturb them with news of killer waves. tell them that tomorrow in the office!

like Katrina. which have been predicted as far back as 2002, that such an event on such a scale would take place.

now if someone would just listen...

oh god. the prelims are looming ahead!

2005-09-09T13:31:00.000+08:00

i remember Mr. Smith trying to get us to visualise time as _____________.

i visualised mine as a black empty void, with one horizontal line painted in bright white to signify the date. i remember the prelims as one big blank grey wall, just looming ahead. i remembered, when he went nearer and nearer to the prelims, my palms got wetter, my lips got drier, and overall, i nearly had a heart attack.
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okay...not so bad, but you get the idea.

****************************************************************************

i'm feeling really really really ill prepared for the prelims.

like seriously.

i remembered that last year's end of year, i prepared 3 months in advanced. you may argue that the Os are the actually end of year, but you GET WHAT I MEAN!

i'm so dead.

i can't believe that the first two papers are on monday.

Emath and SS.

i'm so dead.

MY SS SUCKS! i can't do the stupid sources to save my life. i can barely think of the points to crap for structured essay.

i'm SO DEAD!!!

********************************************************************************

i'm super high strung now. 'cos i'm busy trying to keep all the information in my head, try to get in more information into whatever space there is left, deal with my surroundings, and deal with certain friends that fan lian like G. bah!

i'm shouting at any body who trys to disrupt my peace! let me study!

or at least let me play ebaumsworld's games till midnight without my parents' noticing. or turning off the modem. =)

free spirits eh?

2005-09-09T13:27:00.000+08:00

Take the quiz: "What Disney Princess Are You?"

Pocahontas
A free spirite of sorts. My favorite Disney princess...you're so brave!

katrina as promised

2005-09-09T13:25:00.000+08:00

i wanted to post about hurricane katrina since the start of the september holidays. but one thing led to another and i never got around to it.

hurricanes are scary. Katrina is worse. it's a living nightmare.

my heart really really goes out to the Katrina victims. human and all.

it was even more so after reading this blog on Hurricane Katrina. i admire the reporters' guts to actually stay there and report even when others were evacuated.

of course they got evacuated in the end.

but that's the true spirit of journalism, see. you report not for money or fame, but for bringing out information that tells people what really is going on. even when your life is on the line. Go take a look at the comments, and note that people actually ARE worried about their relations in New Orleans, and they need to know what's going on.

the two journalists brought at least a glimmer of hope to them.

*****************************************************************************

i shan't bore y'all with how a storm forms, etc, etc. you can go find everything you need (most of the information you need, rather) here. there are satellite images that really make me (once again) gasp in awe of Mother Nature's might.

red is really really bad. but the red-der it is, the more pretty the eye of the storm. see that little blue dot in the centre of the reds? it's just so perfectly circle, that for just one minute, i can't care about the people in New Orleans, and just marvel at it.

of course, it's super disastrous.

New Orleans is right in its paths, and is on the edge of the coast. Not to mention that it's bowl shaped. urgh. i hate to imagine what it is like there now. go look at the pictures here, and you'll be in shock. remember the macdonald's and kfc at kallang? now imagine everything gone, save the macdonalds sign. it's that bad.

*************************************************************************

i read in the news online a few days back on how horrible the rescue process went. apparently, the same day when NO requested for food and clean water - and didn't get it - food and water was sent to Afghanistan and Iraq to feed the troops. i remember how horrified i was at the news, and for once, my impression of Bush sank to an all-time low.

but today, i read in the newspaper, about a three quarters blind, diabetic, ex-journalist, and how, single-handedly, he actually set up an entire grassroot of volunteers, funded by private money, to relocate the Katrina ~~refugees~~-displaced people to houses in Texas. everyone in the area pitched in money, clothes, toys, food, energy and time, and most people are being relocated now.

it then dawn upon me, that no one needs the gahment. you just need people who care and are willing to help. =)

then, after all has settled down, you can pretend to protest against the gahment, while you sit around eating microwaved popcorn together. teehee.

2005-09-07T11:49:00.000+08:00

Take the quiz: "What kind of eyes do you have? (with pictures)"

Moonlight
You have moonlight eyes. Moonlight is the color of mystery. Your eyes symbolize your ability to see yourself as others see you. You have finesse for letting other people know what you think. You have a soothing and calming ability that you may or may not know about. You have the awesome ability to draw a person's negative energy out and replace it with a positive energy; the world needs more people like you. Some words to describe you: patient, self-controlled, perseverance, insightful, reflective, understanding, serene, and caring.

*********************************************************************************

if you disagree, tell me. i don't know myself even.

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if i shut up, will you love me more?

how do you love me, i'll let you count the ways.

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can't even think of one right. i know.

i've wondered if people will like me better if i shut up.

but they tell me i'm too quiet.

i've wondered if people will like me better if i think before i speak,

but they tell me i'm just trying to be different.

i've wondered if people will like me better if i agreed with everything they said,

but they tell me that i'm just trying to follow the crowd.

i've wondered a million times whether people will just accept me for who i am.

apparently not.

****************************************************************************

don't expect me to be someone else for you.

hurried post and a big mistake

2005-09-07T11:37:00.000+08:00

this post is hurried, as i'm meeting zhong mei for a show at cine at 1:30. (it's 11:30 now, and i haven't bathed yet!)

*************************************************************************************

once upon a time, i was bad tempered and irreasonable. you think you've seen the worst of me? unfortunately, no. i think my problem is that i keep everything too much to myself, until like a volcano, i just erupt and kill those in my way.

sad, but true.

i don't even want to talk nowadays, or joke as much as i used to because the people aren't like the ones i knew at pei chun. the people i knew at pei chun were kind and friendly, accepted jokes for what they were - jokes, and was always there when i needed a shoulder to cry on.

where have all my good friends gone?

i accept the fact that - as miss lai puts it - people come, people go. i regret the fact that most people i was close to perhaps ain't as close to me now. i cherish the fact that i have made and found new friends along the way.

but wtf, i can't help feeling cynical.

everyone i meet nowadays are nothing but fucking hypocrites.

perhaps that's why i love drama (theatre, not real life drama...) people are honest with each other. i don't like you? i'll tell that to you in your face.

now, they just call me rude.

it's fine with me if you say that, i'm alright. i don't really need you in my life anyways. i can do with one less hypocritical friend.

i need my peichun-type friendship back.

how fucking cliche, but i want to turn back time.

Katrina and Napola

2005-09-06T01:37:00.000+08:00

After watching Napola, and reading about Hurricane Katrina, i couldn't help crying when i heard my mum lost her job.

So why am i online at such an unearthly hour, blogging?

Because it's my only source of ranting.

****************************************************

i fought with my mum yesterday. over a trivial matter. i wanted permission to go watch Napola today, which was screening at 9:15 pm, and being the good girl that i am, i just wanted to make sure it was alright with her.

She started screaming at me.

Honestly, i think i've tolerated more than my fair share of her rants. it would have been fine with me if she told me 'no' outright. instead, she had to go: what do you want from me? if i say yes, am i too lenient? if i say no, i'm too harsh! what do you want?

i told her calmly, that i had no idea, hence me asking her.

she continued to beat around the bush. in the end, i understood that

she thought i am not taking my prelims seriously.
she thinks that i'm stupid, and am incomparable with the BN/CR people.
she thinks that i waste too much money when i go out.
she thinks that she pisses me off everytime she talks to me.

why on earth, i don't know.

firstly, i AM taking my prelims super seriously. i have no idea why she thinks otherwise. she really don't get it, but apparently everytime she sees me, i'm always online.

i study alright. not alot, but i'm gaining the momentum.

i was pissed at that, cos she has no faith in me, and thinks that i take everything lightly. she doesn't think that i'm pressurised at all.

bah! i'm pressurised by the smartass bunch in my class (i.e. michelle, hanming, chin hock, etc etc.), i'm pressurised by my family's high expectations in me, i'm pressurised by myself, as i want to reach for greater heights, i'm pressurised by every single person who thinks that i'm capable of good grades.

if that's not enough, i'm pressurised by the promise to my late grandfather. that alone can kill me. i remember when i didn't get into EM1 at the end of p4, i cried by his tablet. i could feel his disappointment in me, and ever since, i've vowed to work hard so that he can be proud of me wherever he is.

the bn/cr thing was stupid. i told her about physics prelim pract, and for some strange reason, she thinks that the better bunch are smarter, and therefore will get the correct answers no matter what.

and she thinks i'm laughing at them.

HELLO? i've changed for the better. i don't do this to people anymore. i try my best to make sure i don't hurt anyone's feelings unknowingly. i don't go up to all the bn/cr people, and go hahaha! you're stupid cos you can't understand proper english. i only joke about it with xinyi, and she's fine with it as long as i don't go overboard. who the fuck is she to doubt me? if she thinks they're so smart, go adopt one kid from china la!

and when i go out, i don't even spend money if i can help it. i usually bring my own biscuits and water out, and munch on it while my friends eat banana walnut muffins from coffee bean. she can't appreciate the fact that i'm actually sensible money wise. i never ask extra money from her, and i know how to save money. i think she'll just die if she had a daughter like wenxin. she thinks i don't appreciate her, i think likewise.

and i love talking to her. i don't know why she has an inferior complex, but i'm proud that i have such a mum. i don't think i can find any friends now who would allow their mum to go watch a movie with their friends. i don't think any of my friends would be proud to be seen with their mum in school. i am, but after yesterday, i think i may change my mind.

she thinks that i'm sick of her, and in front of her, i'm a goody two shoes. what the fuck. i couldn't believe it when she said that. it's true that she's pissing me off nowadays when she talks to me. but that's because everytime she talks to me i'm studying and she has to go WHY AREN'T YOU STUDYING? IT'S YOUR O LEVELS YEAR. i'm taking the exams, for god's sake. i KNOW it's the o levels. and if she would open her eyes, she would notice that i'm already studying.

i pointed that out to her, to which she just went: whatever.

whatever my ass.

she asked me what i wanted of her. i told her that she could ask if i was studying the next time she wanted to talk to me, and if i was (studying), then don't ask me to study.

to which, she screamed at me not to tell her how to raise her daughter.

gosh.

**************************************************************

i woke up first at 9, then at 12:30 this morning. after a quick lunch, i went out to orchard to meet with wenxin to study.

i was super productive. i studied (and hopefully remembered) five chapters worth of history. that includes looking for food with wenxin, and eating at cartel + buying tix for Napola.

the woman just reminded me that it was NC. she didn't even ask for IC.

we headed to scotts to study, where it was crowded. after finding a seat, i proceeded to study intensively. and then smartass wenxin had to challenge me about the direct cause of WW2.

for god's sake. will people stop thinking that i love hitler? i think he's evil personified.

i just can't understand why people aren't objective about history. and wenxin, for god's sake, saying hitler was the main cause isnt' enough. you don't even know the underlying causes. just because you know that he killed many jews isn't enough. stop arguing with me over it.

so as a revision for history, and to tell people that i'm objective, not in love with hitler, i shall explain the direct and underlying causes of WW2. (skip ahead if you don't want to fall asleep in front of your monitor.)

*****************************************************************************

After the Paris Peace Conference was held, and the Treaty of Shame was signed, people conviniently forgot that the start of WW1 was not Germany, and in fact was Russia and Serbia, who were allies, directly or not with Britain and France. Germany was forced to shoulder all the war guilt, pay 6.6 billion pounds for reperations, disarm certain places like Rhineland, and downsize all its military might.

The treaty was punitive, as only Germany was asked to disarm. The other countries involved did not. Germany in fact was the one who requested for a truce, and the other countries jumped at the chance to bring Germany so low that she'll never attack others again. This of course paved way for the rise of Nazism.

digressing at this point, i remain my stand that Britain and France then were just plain selfish. the power vacuum created by the fall of the Ottoman Empire was MEANT to be filled. and since Germany (DL) was a new empire, they were reluctant to share. selfish asses.

People should note that when Gustav Stresemann helped somewhat to stabilise the german economy, that the Nazi Party didn't even win favour of the people, as they considered the Weimar Government more tolerant than before. But after the Great Depression, which caused the short-lived stability of the economy to crumble, the dissatisfied people turned to the more radical political parties for answers. and since Hitler was so charismatic, it was almost inevitable that they followed him.

digressing again. Hitler was such a good public speaker, that for the Beer Hall/Muenich Putsch, he actually went to a beer hall in muenich, and jumped on a chair in front of 3000 others, and by the end of the speech, won all present over to fight for him. stop blaming me for his gifted tongue.

It of course didn't help that Franz von Papen, Paul Hindenburg and Kurt von Schleicher were arrogant prats and thought they could keep Hitler and the Nazi party in check. as david eddings once wrote, a dead enemy is a safe enemy. there arrogance was to cause Hitler an inevitable rise in power.

for the ignorant: Hitler challenged Hindenburg in the 1932 presidential elections, and Hindenburg, DL's most popular field commander of WW1 gained 53% of the votes. Obviously, Hitler was not popular yet. Hindenburg, unassured of Hitler and uncomfortable of his growing popularity, put von Papen as Chancellor. von Papen wasn't popular, hence another election, where von Schleicher gained the position. here, von S stupidly let Hitler have the vice Chancellor position, whereby he thought he could controll both Hitler and the Nazi regime. (he only served in office for 54 days.)

von Papen, insecure jackass and newly retrenched, looked to Hitler to get some authority back. He persuaded Hindenburg to let Hitler be Chancellor, and managed to secure the vice Chancellor position in return of giving Hitler financial support of the German industrialists. through this, Hitler was able to eliminate his rivals through his unstoppable SS and SA, and he pushed for the Enabling Act of 1933, which allowed him to pass laws without the approval of the Reichstag(parliament) or the President. He cleverly banned all the other political parties in DL.

Later followed a series of events like the Night of the Long Knives and the Nuremberg Laws and the Kristallnacht. Go read up yourselves, it'll take me years to explain everything in detail. He became Fuehrer after Hindenburg's death in 1934, and gained control over the whole of DL.

After that, preoccupied with their own domestic affairs, Britain adopted the appeasement policy in hope that Hitler would simply stop after getting what he wanted. In my opinion, Hitler probably became over arrogant and became mad, closer to the end of the war. He was allowed the rearmament of Rhineland, the anschluss with Austria, the taking over of Sudetenland in Czechoslovakia, without any resistance. the cowardly French, who could have stopped DL, didn't because Britain didn't want to take part.

wow-whee. stupid french and british, preoccupied with their own business. i still think they caused the WW2. not to mention the stupid League of Nations. had Japan not been stupid enough to bomb Pearl Harbour, the US wouldn't even had entered the war, and the Nazis would still be in control of DL today. bah.

people must understand everything in history before they can give an objective judgement. Hitler's actions should be noted with an understanding of his youth, and of the situation DL was in then. Britain, France, USSR and USA's stance on DL/Hitler's rise should also be noted. Hitler's anti-semitism was part of frustration, brainwashing and a tortured youth. if the people liked the jews, they wouldn't even have listened to Hitler in the first place. (the jews were super rich in DL, which of course made some of the locals jealous and therefore unhappy and suspicious.)

PLEASE STOP SAYING I LOVE HITLER. I THINK HE'S EVIL.
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after that bit of history, me and wenxin went to watch Napola.

oh. my. gosh.

i can't put into words how human the show was. i want to buy the dvd, so i can watch it a million times and cry over such cruelty. i couldn't sleep because the scenes kept haunting me.

the show's more disturbing than der Untergang(downfall).

click hier for the german flash site, and hier for projects on holocausts.

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after the movie ended, about 11.15 or so, i hurried home as best as i could, because i knew my dad would wait up for me, even though i told him i have the house key.

he did, and he was super worried.

i felt guilty of course. he has to work tomorrow, and i don't want him to be tired all the while.

while we were going upstairs, he told me my mum lost her job.

i felt so guilty for not being with her. i don't know how she took it, and i hope she won't go all bitchy on me tomorrow. i cancelled my dates with wenxin and michelle so i can accompany her at home, but i'll jolly well pick up the dates again if she goes bitchy, i swear.

i love my mum, i just wish she'll stop being so overprotective.

will blog about hurricane katrina tml instead. =p the post is über long, and it's nearly three in the morning, and i want to get the war in pacific in my head before i sleep.

Gute Nacht!

german prelims and no school

2005-09-02T21:52:00.000+08:00

there was school today. =) friday's a slack day, and 12 people didn't turn up.

how expected. my class is hereby crowned the class on pon(tang)ing by me.

how on earth can you bear to miss school? i wanted to skip school, but i just couldn't. even though i was super tired this morning, and i know that i'll probably slack the day away, i couldn't bring myself not to go to school.

i read my german Harry Potter book mostly. i love german, like seriously seriously love it. i occasionally catch myself thinking in german, and i find that really cool! it's like really using it.

********************************

i don't know about my relationship with her now. let's call her X.

X has been a pretty good friend for the past two years, and i still wonder how we became so close. not super close of course, but you get what i mean.

but i'm starting to think that she's bad company.

i can't help it, it's my nature. i think that's why i don't have someone whom i can call sicherly my best friend.

niemand.

i think my sudden need to screen my friends halfway through my relationship with them is devastating. seriously. i suddenly see the worst of them, even as i have once only saw the best. and then i start the questions.

should i be with them? are they good company? am i turning bad/going back to my old ways because of them? do they know me?

scarily, i opt to dump them. you can tell who's my better friends like that. they're the ones who haven't given up on me even though i tried to ditch them. and the bonds are stronger.

now i'm questioning myself. is X a true friend? (i seriously hate being a Scorpio. we think too much about everything, and end up hurting ourselves) i noticed that i've started slacking more, started to revert back to my old ways (you don't want to know, seriously) and overall started sliding downhill.

now's the time again, i suppose.

X hasn't been the best of friends, neither have i with her. we sort of hang out just because we don't really have/want to hang out with others. she's been insensitive more than once, and she never listens.

i swear. she never.

all she does is talk about herself, her troubles; and when i start telling her about mine, she tells me that i talk too much/ whine too much/ should look at the more positive side of stuff.

thanks a lot, X. just a note, you cut, i don't.

and i've been busy with the emails to various boarding schools to US. X hasn't been helpful at all. Xinyi has been tho', lol. i must write here. THANKS A LOT FOR THE HELP ON THE EMAIL! YOU'VE BEEN A COMFORT! my mum's not helpful either, and neither is my dad.

i suppose you can say that i'm grateful to them for letting me even dream of going overseas to study.

but i need help sometimes, like now for example. it's the fucking prelims, i haven't studied and you want me to send emails? bist du verrueckt?

currently i'm super nervous as i've sent out the email last night to Worcester Academy to see if they have places left in their school. i really want to go overseas. i've decided. of course, i'll be disappointed if they say no, but i'm ready for the rejection. most people send in their applications by February, and i'll be lucky if i even get a chance to catch their attention. the new school year has started after all...

*******************************************

i'm refreshing my email page @ google every five minutes now. i want a reply!!! positive or negative! the anticipation is killing me.

bleah.

of prelim practicals and german

2005-09-01T22:05:00.000+08:00

before my super late national day post, i decided that i MUST post on the exams.

for some wierd reason, i feel really unprepared, and am not really doing anything to help myself through that.

five papers have passed, and there are more to come. i am unprepared, but i am not starting revisions yet. seriously. i'm not one of those idiots in my class who started preparing but went about telling people otherwise. i have not prepared, and it's starting to show.

but so far, it's been quite good.

for the practicals, my most dreaded subject yet, i think i did fairly okay for chem pract, and superbly well for physics.

i screwed chem pract up horribly. Like really really screwed. as usual, i breezed through titration (potassium bloody purple permanganate into hydrogen peroxide). i got exact values twice in a row, so i was fairly ok. but the answering part - devisation of your own experiment - sucked. how the hell am i supposed to find the concentration of hydrogen peroxide? how the hell does it decompose? (unlike what HM said, light was not powerful a catalyst enough) i pray that heating helps. i didn't even think of gas syringes. =( my tuition teacher was amused by that.

and i had to write ammonia.

fuck fuck fuck fuck.

i can't believe i didn't change my answer. sitting in front is detrimental to my nerves. i didn't know what everyone was testing for, so i took everything: litmus, splints, hell i even took potassium dichromate! everything...everything except limewater.

omg. i can't believe i was so blur. i can't believe i lost my head. where's my head? where's my head?!

so yup, yours truly wrote ~~ammonia~~ for that stupid test.

whatever.

but physics pract rocked. really really rocked. i can't believe i was smiling after that.

i finished both the experiments like SUPER DUPER early. i was situated at the 'bench' right at the back, because i was an extra there. i had no one to change over with, and naturally, i was not given lots of stuff.

like the question paper for example.

or the torchlight for the light experiment.

nevertheless, i kept my head, and shouted to the front of the room until miss mun heard me for a question paper.

come to think of it, i didn't even have the cloth to ensure that my pendulum bob was dry. =|

i finished the plumbline experiment so quickly, i am sure i did something wrong. miss lai was shocked that i was done, 'cos i was leaning against the bench in a super relaxed manner calculating stuff. all the DL/EP people were still doing their experiment. =
and they kept dropping their pendulum bob, that i checked the paper to make sure that it wasn't one of the steps that was necessary.

instruction 4f: drop pendulum to ensure that it is not made of glass...
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several times if necessary....

then i did the second one, which apparently, all the smartasses in the TRIPLE SCIENCE classes screwed up.

even my sec 2 kid sister could tell me that height of object/image is from the bottom of the triangle to the top of it. i can't believe the smartasses could not understand pure, simple english. i breezed through that. and i redrew my graph because i calculated the wrong values for v. =
i had a curve. thank god for obvious mistakes.

i was bursting with happiness after that. =)

the three paper ones were alright at least, alright at best.

english was fairly ok. i think my proposal wasn't persuasive enough though. i wrote a frigging draft for my essay. or rather, i wrote an essay, didn't think it was good enough, and rewrote it. my arm was near breaking point. but the second essay was much better. i am hopeful of good results for el, because practically no one else wrote the same topic. *grins*

chinese is a totally different thing though. i finished so quickly, i'm sure the essay sucked. and according to zhang lao shi, the way i wrote my letter was quite inappropriate, e.g. my second para should have been my first etc etc. i'm resigned about my chinese's fate though.

german was @(#$&%)@#$%. like every other exam, i promised to follow my intuition, and i DIDN'T!

i knew that i should have written vorbei/flogen. but i didn't. i wrote warfte even though i told myself wurfen. ARGH!!! never mind. i'll probably die anyways. the oral was ok. i said Reiseleiterin(tourguide) as my ambition, which led to a lot of stupid questions. =(

i have the german harry potter and the philosopher's stone! =) super fun to read.

I MUST START STUDYING FOR THE PRELIMS!!!!

[soundbite~ Nena, Liebe Ist]

yadayadayada and sick of life

2005-09-01T22:01:00.000+08:00

i can't stand feeling down, which i have been feeling for the past few weeks. maybe it's post-sickness depression. =\, i know. haha.

firstly, the shitload worth of photos from national day! YES, it's SUPER LATE i know!

i'm shuttling between uploading them through blogger, and trying to sign up an account for yahoo to use flickr.

the army guys were all doing this wimbledon-style dragging of groundsheet onto the super wet grass for the free performance. i hated the stands that day, it was so crowded i was nearly crying (side effects of claustrophobia. =( )

Simin and Calcy smiling away. =) note the many umbrellas in the background. it was SO HOT that day!

only people like Calcy Tay can study HISTORY under the scorching sun while waiting for rehearsals to start. talk about being hardworking...

three volunteers teaching us how to sign 'Reach Out For the Skies'. the one on the extreme right is Irene, my first volunteer officer. she's super cute, and was trying to goof around.

Pat trying to get us to sign Reach Out For the Stars. She's so cute!

motivators on the stage far far away trying to practice for later!

this lousy pic was taken to show three of the 'main characters' in the whole songsigning event. two men at the background are zach(left) and this other guy who's in the video and apparently teaches people actual sign language at the association. the woman in the foreground is Pat, this super nice instructor and volunteer at the association.

me, tiff, zhao (from front to back), + Calcy and Simin makes the only five to represent our school.

bored people around us copied us from the rehearsal previously and bought bubbles to blow. it was amazing! the skies were damn grey and we were so worried it would rain, but on the other side, the sun kept peeking out. so some of the bubble pics looked damn nice!

i LOVE this shot. it's like the hand is so bright while the skies are so dark...with bubbles too! Cal thought i was suaning her when i said that i liked this shot. *blanks out*

bubbles... (the grey clouds behind makes the bubbles look nicer right?)

more bubbles... (or in this case, the momentary peek-a-boo sun lights up the bubbles nicely. =))

even more bubbles... (i'll quit posting bubble pics now, or your com will crawl to a stop)

at this point of time, i shall digress cos i'm pissed at my online-offline switching com. just managed to create the flickr account. and that was after having to decipher stupid security codes like this:
ha! look at the stuff i'm going through just to update! don't you love me?! hahahaha.

oh god. spoken too soon. that flickr thing can't bloody work. =(

KFC, anyone? we had kfc and we're all passing down the boxes. look at the concerned faces everywhere. some people took extra, but there were enough to go around. so many, in fact, that later during the parade we requested for two more boxes to share between the five of us.

a peek into the box... and you'll find a burger and a little mashed potato! no shrooms in the burger, but it's still food right?! note the grey bag to the right. that's our celebration bag!

the bubbles were too pretty to ignore!!!

bryan wong trying to attempt the stupid Dance 40/ethnic dance/combined dance/whatever lame shit dance you saw ruien+taufik doing. they were trying to make us dance with -><- this little space to move. crazy organisers. bryan wong kept going something like: right, left, right, left, circle, circle, want money, want money, take money, take money, yay got money le, yay happy le. (try doing that to the dance, it makes sense) a good close up shot of the three hosts at the Carnival@Marina. the silver stuff BW is holding are the confetti throwers. i still kept the two holders i had: 1 from the the rehearsals, which BW gave to me personally seeing as he had one xtra and this asshole in front of me took the one i was supposed to get, and 1 from the actual day of parade itself.

them teaching us what to do when we connect with the Padang-ers. we were supposed to throw the confetti when he says something. but we were too busy ogling at them to listen. only the deaf understood the instructions (they had translators, and were much more attentive then us, apparently).

so we all threw confetti at the wrong time, but being good hosts, bryan wong made nothing out of it.

whee! note that there are people (fans of the Project Superstar-ers) already on the groundsheet.

this volunteer officer fooling about with the confetti throwers. =) they're a fun bunch of people actually.

planes doing their fly up thing, thus inducting multiple Gs no more than 9.0. i can't explain what i've just said unless you're a. into rollercoasters, or b. dig fighter planes and aircraft of all kinds.

crossing in air, with the beautiful setting sun providing a brilliant backdrop. the temperature must have dropped ten degrees, it was so cooling!
i love planes! =) the planes are about to swerve to different directions a la Total Defence logo. i love the trails the leave behind. makes me think about physics radioactivity. i actually went on that day (to the dismay of the others): oh my god! look at all those alpha particles ionising strongly in air. =)

although the parade was alright, taking bubble pictures were more fun. zhao and tiffy trying to capture some bubbles on their camera phones.

a bigger, much nicer photo of the two of them comparing photos. =) i caught them unawares, hence the super natural look.

a rare moment of strong patriotism amongst all, when we all try to sing the medley of national songs together, despite all of our voices breaking. i was sick that day, such that i couldn't even use my false pitch to sing. =(

group event with girls, must TAKE GROUP PHOTO!

all of us looking tired. note that only Zhao had any energy left to open her eyes. but even she looked tired. (on hindsight, i never really felt tired. we were all having so much fun!)

photo with Pat, on extreme left. she was pleasantly surprised when we asked to take a photo with her. =) couldn't find Zach though, anyways he was scary until the rehearsals, so i'll take Pat anytime. if you take a look closely enough, you'll notice water puddles on the groundsheet. it was muddy! really hard to walk, and i wore SLIPPERS. =|

this was taken during one segment of the parade, where they had 'kites' flying about. look at the search lights. and the number of people on the ground!

a super blurred shot of the people rushing forwards at the end of the parade. they wanted good standing spots to watch the Project Superstar-ers. tired (and me claustrophobic), we girls opted for the stands so we could just enjoy the after concert at a distance in comfort.

Qiu Ze as seen on screen. i couldn't take a photo of how cute he is! and he's not bad a singer!the surrounding area was the night place. YES IT WAS VERY DARK!

me and simin ran down to buy carrot cake to share cos we were starving. that's also after we requested for the extra KFC. we were starving! zhao is laughing in the background cos i forced simin to pose for this shot. notice that half the food is already gone!

i have no idea how to post the videos of the fireworks. =\ that's all my friends, an Ã¼ber long entry long overdue!

by the way, the smaller photos were the ones hosted by flickr, and the larger ones directly from blogger. seems like they deserve credit!

just to quench your thirst

2005-08-31T23:42:00.000+08:00

i'm sorry i haven't posted yet...

highlight word YET.

i'll be posting soon. there are simply too many photos to handle in a single night. perhaps by tomorrow.

besides, i have to check out what's wrong with the digicam.

and i have a letter to draft. i don't think the US schools can accept applications so late in the year, but i'll give it a shot anyways. as i said a thousand times before, i don't mind NJC, and i don't mind US too.

more updates tomorrow.

tender loving care

2005-08-20T13:56:00.000+08:00

i so need tender loving care now. i've never been so sick. really. just when i thought i was getting better, i wake up, cough, and puke my guts out.

urgh.

i've lost ~2.5 kg. i can't even tell the difference.

i keep shaking. like trembling shaking. it's scary. i can't write properly, can't think properly, can't hold a proper conversation properly without my medicine working its effects.

i have 5 tablets and 1 syrup. 3 of the 6 meds make me drowsy. i'm in a zombie like state now.

even as i type, my hands tremble.

urgh.

my mum wants to bring me to KK for a check up. she claims my lungs are probably dead now, after the coughing. =
i insisted on going for german and the njc german open house tho'. now i'm super confused on where to go further my studies.

i want to stay in singapore, but i can't. i can't face the system anymore. it's killing me.

but i want to continue german. it's been one of the best things that have happened to my schooling life. i want that easy camaraderie, those fond memories that i could have.

urgh.

i'm trying to stay awake now. i'm restudying german. it's a great warm up. it usually gets me motivated to study. yep, so that's what i'm doing now.

wish me luck.

zu alle, Hals und Beinbruch. =)